For every human you encounter
Comes a new start. A first impression                          
And an experience for the both of you.
Where both of you are given the crucial option:
To be truthful or to lie and mask the flaws
every other living soul has hidden too.
Jealousy, treachery and deceit.
Just to name a few.

Three days ago, I found out the truth
I didn’t think you had them too.
Manipulation, deception and betrayal
were the last words I thought about
when with you.


And all I can really say is thank you.
As of today I’m finally free.
Released of the false ideal
that my worth was
ever predicated on
Your ability to see it.
Feel it.
Know it.
Or understand it.

Thank you, for letting me see life in a new way.
Because now, Manipulation, deception and betrayal
Is all I think of you.

every heart stops beating
not every man's worth meeting
I can see by the cheesy greeting
this conversation's not worth completing
we could be great, but it would be fleeting
in the end, you'll end up cheating
and it'll be this number you're handing me, that I'll be deleting

I was never the one,

            I wasn't even the second
of what ever you thought you
wanted from us.

I was never going to be yours,

           I wasn't even mine,
I resisted the urge to look
at the scars
                  of
       where I'd been.

            I'd not been to
that place for a while.

But how can I be what others push,
        like I'm an addiction
waiting to be cured.
   There the needle pushing in my skin.
   breaking my resolution to not be
                           like I was before this.


Sorry, I couldn't give you a smile,
           I couldn't give you time,
           I couldn't even give you us.



                                      I'm not even mine..

I get a lot of the opposites
          asking for my number.


I'm no player,

                             I got a band
on my finger.

The one I'll  duet with
               singing a song of only us.

But they don't get the hint,
   they be wearing one too,
tarnished more than they think.

But I give them my number anyway..
                                    07504-2432837..

The­n I walk off my smiling. sc0red...

   But not in the way you think?

For this is a premium rated number.

  And on a phone bill it comes up
               with a message!!

That couldn't  be misconstrued as
                                       anything else..

But you tried too, well there single now...

I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed and I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed, curled into myself, and I'm crying.
I'm lying in bed, curled into a ball, biting my tongue, grasping my pillow and crying.

Why you ask? Because tonight it hit hard.
Because tonight I can't get over this feeling of loneliness
Because tonight I wondered how anyone could ever love me
Because tonight I wondered why I was still alone
Cause tonight I just wanted someone there, and there was no one.

Oh this bitter, painful, insecurity that comes with the lack of experience in the love department.
No first kiss, no boyfriend, no remotely normal guy has pursued me.
And by normal I mean not weird, awkward, obsessive, a creep or stoner or someone just looking for something physical.
Maybe once there was a guy, but only once. One night. One date. And then he left.

Like a shallow pond-
All hope is lost for the fish
swimming in the end.

we both know
this will eventually show
our true feeling
amidst upbringing
you are up there
i am down here
we have a deal
but i think it is not real
hope i can forget
i don't need to get
your approval
this is for my own survival
it sounds so trivial
but it is just an interval
of events
of moments
not meant to happen
not destined to deepen
you are a fool
not to prove
that your love
is bulletproof

xo