my skin is hot. fevered. demanding
to be soothed. touched. satisfied.

have i gone crazy? i have never, ever
done such a thing. never unlocked
this private room inside of me. never
ever wanted to take a look inside.

am i possessed? entered by a demon,
chained and padlocked, inside of myself?
i feel possessed, taken by some evil,
sick desire. desire i can’t control.

what is wrong with me? i don’t want
this. oh god. it can’t feel good.

but it does.
it does.
does.

Slowly I have noticed that
My days are spilling into one.
Colours started fading out
And now my sense of taste is gone.
Painted circles on my eyes,
From endless hours of restless sleep,
I wear them like a war paint,
My battle cry; a sullen weep.
Now it doesn’t hurt as much
As it has done for many years.
Creeping numbness took ahold
Now even death knows not my fears.

he takes another drink from the brown bottle
his eyes inflamed and angry
broken yellowed teeth and cigarette butts
an angry man
stained  t-shirts
Lingering nicotine
a hopeless man
he's hurt again
the war broke him
gunshots still echo
Dust so thick you cannot see
the divorce broke him
A shell of a man
A wild man
but I can see him
in the cracks on his porcelain skin
The alcohol no longer seems to be running from his mouth
Convulsions have stopped
I can see his light
being born again
sobriety

Today’s the day,
I will no longer pretend,
That everything is fine,
When it is not really fine.

Today’s the day,
When I stop caring,
About all the doubts in the world,
And the problems that uncurled.

Today’s the day,
That I will finally love me,
No matter what they say,
I will finally be free.

Today’s the day,
I will finally be happy,
Without a care in the world,
Nothing can hold me down.

But today’s the day,
You remind,
That all those years ago,
How they are not the same.

But today’s the day,
Where I had to remember,
Of how I couldn’t forget,
What you had said.

But today’s the day,
Where my fear haunts me,
As it has days before,
Taking my every breath.

But that’s okay,
Isn’t it?
As they say,
There’s always,

Tomorrow.

Look at yourself,
you're drained empty.
You'll never forget it
have you even tried?
You've gone and thrown yourself into the arms of someone who isn't strong enough to keep you up.
Did he make your head spin faster?
Did he make your heart beat faster?
On nights staying up wondering if he loves you I hope you someday find yourself instead.
Love is so sick when you can't see reality.
Notice he speaks your name with lack of passion.
See how his eyes can never match up with yours.
Do you even know where all this began?
It's making me sick, love
seeing you stumble home
on nights of loveless love, he never gave you.
Sweetheart, what have you got yourself into?
Do not follow his voice it's only making you settle more.
Please just admit that you've broken your own self this time around.
After all, he has put you through
how can you even still call him lover?