i made it seem like it didn’t bother me
so as to not scare you away.

i made it seem like the image of your body on mine wasn’t terrifying,
like i was okay with trusting you,
like my past didn’t haunt me with every boy who ever laid eyes on me,
so as to not scare you away.

i made it seem like afterwards i was okay with doing it again,
like it was a shadow in the past never to be seen again,
like it left my memory like an old childhood friend,
so as to not scare you away.

i made it seem like the words you whispered didn’t run through my veins like ice,
didn’t pierce through my heart like a knife,
didn’t take hold of my limbs and rip them apart,
so as to not scare you away.

“i’ll go slow”, you whispered,
so as to not scare me away.