How agonizing it is
To love you behind closed doors
Secretly, silently
Watching the clock go ticktok
As I wait impatiently
This feeling is testing my insanity
I'll become a demon to everyone
But an angel in your eyes
Because if I can't have you
Nobody can.

I was my only answer,
My only source of resources.
My listener,
My advicer.

I was also my worst enemy.

I ask myself a plethora of questions as I lay weeping on my bed in the pursuit of crying myself to sleep at night.
I ask myself how you're so untouched by the ordeal of my pain, by which you have inflicted upon me.

How is it that someone can mean so much to you, or at least act like they do, and then stab you in the back, heart and stomach; simultaneously? How is it that someone can neglect your feelings so quickly and selectively? How is it that someone can jeopardize all that you've had and been through just for one insignificant, worthless moment?

These are just a small selected amount of questions that penetrate my ill, mind.

But it's your fault. Entirely. And I will blame you for eternity, infinity and furthermore endlessly.

From young, innocent specimens we are persistently told that hurting other people is immoral, so why are certain beings so immune and untouched to the pain that they inflict? Why are certain beings so rash within their decisions and therefore their actions? But most of all... How is it fair that specific humans are so untouched by their barbaric and murderous actions?

You might be untouched by my affliction, but at least I am in touch with my morals.

**Guilt will drown you but the current will move me on.

Every child is born
With a puzzle to do
Some smaller than others
But same in point of view

As you live your life
You search for every piece
You find them in the people you meet
Or in places you find peace

Sometimes your pieces
Don't fit like they should
So you take them out
And find a place they could

Some people are so desperate
To find the right part
That they'll force them in places
That ruins the art

When a piece doesn't fit
Then you set it aside
It will be important later
It will have to be applied

But those people that are desperate
May take those away
They'll find a place that it fits
Along with the price to pay

Puzzles are made
With similar design
So they can get away
With taking what was mine

Too many people
Took what were important to me
So my puzzle is left unfinished
And I can't see what it would be

I can't finish my puzzle
And show my work of art
I can't get a new puzzle
And go back to the start

Selfish people have ruined
The only thing I had
I can't find my pieces
I have nothing more to add

So I throw away my puzzle
Since there is nothing more to do
I walk through the door
This is all because of you

Why don't we pray
Until we're sick

Do we not love another
Until death

Why have I not sent a thought or found that which is bigger than me?

I smoke, cough, drink poison
I stay up all night
I bleed, I cry I love
Repeat
And still find it easy
To sleep

Why is it this amnesia?
Why am I fated to pretend?
Year after year
To find yourself alone, purpose unclear
Needs become beyond selfish
And wrecklessly bored
Without a healthy tinge of fear.

No son's head was clear
For Sunday mornings
We all found the time
When the towers fell

A new day comes, horizon clear
The poker master calls my hand
Another year, another wrinkle,
becoming wiser yet it feels like complacency

I guess I'm trying to say sorry
And thanks for the love I feel
And everything that I know is real

Nobody prays
Until self tragedy, all alone
Years of survival, carnal absorbtion
Will then just be like waking from a dream
And a voice unleashed cries " you left me"
"you forsake me to this suffering"
Or was it god, unfortunately?

So today I pray
God, universe?

Thankyou for giving me life, undeserving
Help me not hurt me

I'm tired of meeting god, unfortunately

Is it possible to fall in love with just someone's hands?
I hate to objectify a living being,
but his hands feel like home.
And I know it's not usual to compare someone to a house,
but they say home is where the heart is
and my heart has never been so settled.
It's probably wrong to be in love with a person's features
but not the actual person;
to move into their vacancy space and
make a home out of them
because, in return, they will fall in love with you
and you will not be able to reciporicate it.
After all, people do not fall in love with objects,
and when they do, it's possessive.
But I have always been selfish and this time is
no different.

Reality has always been
So far away from me
I had you once
But maybe I never really did
Only created the illusion

Acting the way you do
Makes one feel like those feelings
Are returned
For once

Maybe for a moment they were
Returned only in those moments

I still love you
And I'm sure I always will
For everything that you are
You are still home to me

I wish I could be yours
I thought I was
Never official
But who needs labels

But that was wishful thinking
Being led on by encouraging actions

We do have something special
But I wish I had you to myself
I think I'm selfish after all

At least I have you in my dreams
I dream about you often
And in that time
I have you
And you have me
And both are equal
Everything I have ever wanted
Continues while I sleep
Sometimes I never want to wake up
Why would I want to wake up
Only to be slapped across the face
I wish I could dream forever

selfish boy
took what wasn't his

young girl
more than a stolen kiss

deceitful boy
somehow gets his way

naive girl
wants him to stay

convincing boy
says all the right things

innocent girl
to the words she clings

irresistible boy
fills her head with lies

rebellious girl
morals she defies

detestable boy
destroys her heart

hopeful girl
love was short

thoughtless boy
drops her, he's gone

poor girl
still holds on