God did not mean to give me a mouth.
He meant to give me hands, eyes, a heart
but not a mouth.
When I speak something in me bleeds. When I-
I speak, and my eyes fog over like glass.  
I can't see you standing there, I'm so sorry. Show me again, where did you put the bread?  

I feel like a thing that needs to be forgiven.

I feel so fragile sometimes.
I am trying to understand the
weight of the evil inflicted upon me.
It is heavy. I never understood that 'till now.

I wasn't meant to carry this weight, but I do.
I wasn't meant to speak the way I
so often will, but I do.

What can I say anymore?
I can't write without bleeding. I can't speak without knowing it is a wound. How can I communicate without tearing something open? I'm afraid of shutting up and looking for my language. If I decide to leave behind every word that hurts me, would I have any words left? Will it **** the little bit of connection with people I have left?

Listen.
I hope you forgive me for the little sadness I'll inspire in you.
I am afraid, but don't pity me. I am blossoming and becoming something else.
This, apotheosis, this becoming closer and closer to my own light.
It is a process that requires allowing death.
What must die must die. Allow grief.

I'll leave you with this:
If you slept next to me, it would be
much like sleeping with a letter under your pillow.
Every night, every night...

*"Here I write to you a list of cruelties I am capable of.
May you never forget:
I have made the flower so that it may blossom, and I have made the lamb so that it may eat it.
Blessed be the one willing to become.
Here, the flower. Here, the lamb."

- God

The law is only for the poor
To discipline the poor
To punish the poor
It was made only for the poor

The law is a Labyrinth
Made by the king
To entrap his slaves
Depriving them from liberty

The law is an earthly hell
Created by the demons
To punish the sinners
A lifetime of sorrow

The law is a boot
Wore by the privileged
To step on the needy
Crushing their hopes and dreams

awoke to something unexpected
someone outside, my dog detected
so pleasantly, I was surprised
it was a friend who get me high

I haven't really seen this fool
since in the days back in high school
time passes by, a lot has changed
but most of it remains the same

it makes me kinda sad to know
so many people come and go
small circle, but the ones inside
have earned their welcome to the pride

the ones I value and respect
I'd lay my life down to protect
I find few people worth my time
but if I had 10, i'd give them 5

and I know they would do the same
I don't play silly social games
it's not that i'm not very vocal
i'm just selective when i'm social

I dreaded getting out of bed
to suffer the monotony, instead
a visitor reminded me
to value friends and family

Inscribed upon silk
Is your raw humanity.

Lessons have taught
That such delicacies
Cannot be caught.

Unless uncovered
From the tomb
In which truth lies.

l.v.s

I found the key
To being free
Easier said than done you see
The enemy
Looking at me
Through memories of past that won't let me be
Reality
Is so tricky
We can pick and choose what we see
Minds are finicky
Part of their beauty
Balancing being teacher and trainee