i would like
to keep bees
or at least
i like the idea
of keeping bees
to be honest
i know nothing
next to nothing
about all that
it entails
but it seems like
it would be cathartic
although their frenzies
may be calmed
by the smoke
movements must remain
slow and gentle
such fragility
must be tended to
   carefully
   mindfully
almost lovingly
i think i like
the idea of the peace
to be found in
those moments
there is a
shade-dappled spot
at the bottom
of the garden
that would be
the perfect place
for them
where the humming
of the hive
would accompany
the swaying of
the tree's
their gentle whispering
and the quietude
that would settle
beyond

I don't know what to believe in,
Or if I believe in anything at all.
But the only thing keeping me alive,
Is the fear of life after death.
Or is it just emptiness that will consume my soul.
No pain or punishment,
For taking my own life.
I feel the loneliness destroy me.
Filling my mind with thoughts of suicide.
Searching for a way out,
While longing for a reason to stay.