We decided to build a house
Made from glass dreams and ceilings of too high expectations
Laughter and secrets coated the walls
And dance parties lasted all night long.

But a storm came
With insecure winds and alcoholic rain,
And shattered the glass house.

I desperately collected the broken pieces
Slicing my hands and cutting my heart
Making my skin burn as I tried to mend the broken parts.

Worn out bandages and glue well past the expiration date
Were never going to fix this pile of glass
Though I never stopped trying
Til I noticed you had rocks in your hand
With no intention of ever putting them down.

So I let go of the glass
That forever marked my skin
And I walked away from the mess you made
Remembering to never
Build a house made of glass
Ever again.

Once I had an undesirable roommate
I was in college at the time
I was assigned to a girl not so great
She did things I considered crimes

I thought if I don’t get some relief
I will lose what is left of my mind
My stay at this college will be brief
How can I leave my troubles behind

I walked down the hall of my dorm
Feeling very sad and forlorn
Then suddenly I had a brainstorm
That would heal all the hurt I had born

Quickly I slipped into another room
I met a girl I had long admired
Holding my breath, did I dare presume
She was working quietly and seemed inspired

I didn’t know if she knew who I was
If she would even listen to my request
I told her the problem that had caused
My world to be so greatly upset

She seemed not a bit surprised at all
For in a dorm rumors fly like the wind
She smiled at me and my southern drawl
Would you like to join me and move right in

Her words were like a balm to my soul
I quickly moved my possessions in before
My old roommate could return and stroll
In to make a drama scene that I abhor
That was my college freshman year
I remember many friends and good times
But the best decision I made was clear
Moving in with Jean Shuey was prime

She was smart and always a lady so fine
Five years older with some gray in her hair
I was an extrovert and spoke my mind
Together we made the ideal pair

All that year she gave me much pleasure
Studying and talking late into the night
I always thought of her as my treasure
Without her I would have been in a plight

Time has its way of rushing on
After college we lost contact
I saw her a few times over days gone
But I failed to call or keep track

Today I decided to contact her again
Soon I found her address and phone
I wondered if her would still be my friend
Or would rather just be left alone

We talked for hours of good times and bad
So much to catch up on after thirty years
We both had lost our dear mom and dad
But we said good-bye without any tears

We planned to email each other often
And meet at a restaurant for a meal
I hope we never again let years soften
Our love and admiration, time will not steal

I’m 19 years old
I’m ambidextrous
I hate bell peppers in my food
I still don’t have a driver’s license
And for as long as I can remember
I’ve had a fascination with hugs, Ginger Ale, and other people’s names
I believe there are only two people in the world:
Those who like spoken word
And liars
I’m not religious
My faith in God died before I could even figure out who He was
But in June 2019 I saw my nephew’s face for the first time and thanked whoever created humans that day
I go to a pretty standard college
Where thankfully my disabilities are taken seriously
And I don’t cry so much anymore
I know the best way to lawfully cheat to make your essays longer
Hint: the font size
But I don’t know the last names of any of the ladies who serve me food every day
I’m the transgender son of a man who still doesn’t want to believe it and would rather I be non-binary
The son of a woman who finds happiness in putting her children’s hopes and dreams down
I’m only 5’5”…on a really good day
But being built like a haiku in a poetry book is a lesson in finding ways to be seen as the tallest in the room
I don’t know what it means to be a man
And for a while, I thought dressing like a ******* could tell me
I’m still learning to unlearn the self-hatred inside me
Reminded every day that the ******* I have on my chest can be seen as male body parts if I had the humor to see it:
******* can be my misplaced ball-sack
I know that we all carry an addiction to property in our blood
I know that love cannot be owned in any way shape or form
Somedays, I am still the fourteen-year-old on the ground with my wrists pinned, being told to “shut the **** up” every time I see someone who looks like Him
I only watch two shows now but I know deep-down, iCarly and WOWP will always be the best **** Nickelodeon or Disney created
I know that the best actual company is not Disney or Pixar but DREAMWORKS
Because I like owning the fact that I am a male Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove
I like being the first person in my life to go to a human rights march and actually WANT to be there
I was the tree that fell when no one else was looking and dared to make a sound
I am the Thanksgiving buffet that depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder tried to take apart piece by piece
I am living proof that those ******* didn’t know what they were getting themselves into
I am both survivor and boy
Every night, the sky opens its mouth and swallows the sun in a single gulp just to make room for the room
What a terrifying but amazing way to see our lives
To be so full of so much light but always hungry for more

Sitting on her dorm room bed
Three feet from the floor
Not quite happy
But not quite sad
She wants to feel the ache in her bones
The hatred she has for herself
She wants that to come back
she doesn’t want to feel ok
Cause she’s not
Trying to make that decision
To walkout in the middle of the night
While her room mate sleeps
And to never come back
She’s ok right now
But she wants that sadness
The depression to fill her bones
She wishes she could pull the metaphorical trigger
And not live
Oh how she aches
To just want to not be ok anymore
Because when you’re not ok
You feel alive
Or at least she does
It’s terrible beast
She hates when she’s ok but hates when she’s sad
She just wishes she could not exist
That would be her ultimate goal
She types this in the dark as her roommate drifts off to sleep
I know cause that girl is me

I live with a perpetual companion
An unremitting voice in my head
An amensalistic association 
This parasite and I are wed

Not by choice are we inseparable
God knows I've tried to break free
It's constant conditionings of the past 
That binds this enemy to me
 
A chameleon that drains my color 
Armed with a tongue spitting and sharp 
She dominates my conversations 
From morning till noon till dark
 
Upon the urge to be true to myself 
To break free from this mimicking mime 
She ridicules, rants and berates me
Until I loose all sense of time 
 
If I grant the power she incessantly seeks
And obey her exacerbating needs
A suicide of sorts slowly takes place
Leaving an empty reflection of me
 
If I choose to not give her authority
(Which only infuriates her more) 
And I start to rewire the pathway she's on
No longer will she bang at my door!
 
But the question that's left remaining 
Will I be okay left on my own?
a companion like she, omitted from me,
Will undoubtedly prove I'm alone.

i'm sorry.
the leftover pizza
hidden in the back of the fridge,
just looked so tasty.

- the smell of pepperoni still lingers on my shirt.

I did not expect to lose you.
It seems this ending was inevitable, perhaps even predictable.
But those quandaries aside, losing you tears me up inside.
We live under the same roof, yet are you still here?
You say "hello" when I walk in the room, but are you my friend?
I loved you like a brother, and told you so.
Somehow in doing so I angered you.
Suddenly I was wrong and in denial.
"There is no way you love me that way." He said.
He smirked and walked away into the next day.
A lonely text flashed across my screen.
"I think it's best if you and I were rarely seen."
Tears welled up in my eyes.
Losing my friend, roommate, and brother all in one night.

deep purple
mauve maybe
in the month of may
diving
swimming
blue navy blue
turquoise grey teal and green
earth green like mushroom
dirt brown
black as ash
grey as it too
gray grey
gray grey
soft not a whisper never yells either
don't tell me what to do though
or how to see
i have eyes and my ears
are alive and my cats stretch and my coffee is burnt and my roommate
is gone and i
am singing
and i see the strings and hear the room and they are not yelling no one is yelling or whispering or hushing up or talked over because i am alone.
why did you assume i am sad, then?
i am not.

I'm living in a tank filled with sharks
A contained living space
with creatures of blood

My body
suspended in the water
dark, blue light filters in
from somewhere far above

I don't need to have my eyes open
to know they are out there
watching me

Every once in a while
one gets too close
to me and my lifeless body
it nudges its head against my floating limbs
reminding me it's there

Today a shark took a bite out of me
my flesh ripped open and I am exposed
What do I do?
If I hit it back, surely it will consume me entirely
and if I don't I will die slowly anyway

You see, here in this tank
there isn't escape
The sharks don't leave
they pack together and hunt me

So I stay here
my hair fanned out and body wieghtless
floating and waiting for something to happen
I wait for the creatures of the tank
to leave me
but I know they will only sink back
into the shaddows
watching and waiting
for the next time they want to take a bite

I don’t like it when people change
That’s my problem
All my best friends from home
I have known all my life
And when they change it’s gradual
I growth with them
We are intertwined
But here, at college
It is different and people change rapidly
I don’t have time to keep up
I don’t have time to analyze who they are anymore
I can’t keep up with their changing moods and wants
It’s exausting and that’s why I lost all my friends
I couldn’t keep up so I got kicked to the side
No pity please it’s a good thing
They create chaos and facilitate dysfunction only visible to the outside
I’m better now for this loss and I like myself better
I no longer sit in the dark crying over the loss of their love
I thrive with my new friendships of loving people with my own interests and aspirations and values
Starting anew is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done
But oh am I happy to be on the other side