I feigned sleep
As his hands wrapped my body
A safe cocoon in blue arms

I wonder how much time
I have left until the spell
To break

Home is a homeless place
Love and you will never
Find it elsewhere

His heart beat loud in my
Back and a hardness
That pulls me closer

I stayed awake
As the room filled with blue
And the clock as my consort

A hand of warmth, his touch
Like the touch of many others
Before and after

You felt blinded to be alive
But he turned off the light
And tucked you under

Love, it doesn't have to feel
This way but which way
Must you go when

Home is not a home to you
You've been gone for
So long

His blue arms are what draws
You back and you
Cleave as if it's your roots

Blue love, blue arms
Blue hearts, blue room
I feigned sleep

A safe cocoon in blue arms

It's you the one I see across the room.
It's you the one I wanna I want to be with.
It's you the one I want to be in a dark room.
It's you the one I want to cuddle with.
It's all you!

my sister's room is a time machine.
I walk in and she has decorated her walls with the memory of our father
her desks covered in the confetti of his life
her jewelry all gifts from him
she wears three necklaces at once because he gave them all to her
her phone case has a picture of him and her
I walked in on her once sitting on the carpet
a picture, a box of ashes, and something silly her gave her all laying in front of her
in her hands was one of the necklaces, and her thumb vigorously rubbed it like a lamp
begging for a wish
a wish she had planned:
bring him back.
my sister's room is a time machine.
she harbors his spirit in her room
because it doesn't live anywhere else.

i stay up late
having conversations with the walls
and screaming your name
at the mirror
               what if i can’t get up today?
i have sleep paralysis
from overthinking our conversations
from last week
until today
              what if i don’t want to fight?
the monsters under my bed
have pulled out my memory box
and have thrown it around my room
for their own amusement
            what if the sun doesn’t shine today?
that’s okay,
it’s only monday
you still have the rest of the week
to recover
take it easy, you’ll be okay

a flowery curtain adorns my room
      I look at it from time to time
   the flower is a blood red
but the leaves are a bit dead

  dead leaves
      crackling as I walk
         it’s a dream I know
            but I cannot stop
    perhaps I’m alone
        among dead leaves and stones
           staring at a bright little spot

BUT IT'S A LONG SHOT

I’m not a crackpot
not inside my room at least,
my door opens from time to time
but on the curtain beside my bed,
the leaves look a bit dead
...or so I said

no where
no place
no light


it's inescapable
feet stapled, cold

fleeting breathe
stale air, dry


no ailment
no time
no life


darkest color of night
dancing dots

left with a sticky taste
a rumble of pleas