even in weakness,
my heart looks far across the room into hers
and finds some strength in the fact,
that people like her still exist in this life.
my body is shutting down some,
collapsing from one drink, two, three—
and she sees me and understands it,
that every sip is a sprint away from here.
the beauty of it, i suppose is that
for a few days on now,
running hasn’t been an option,
only freezing when i see her again.
i catch myself smiling even writing these words,
and it’s an odd thing to be at peace
all in the same passing moment.
culpables is playing, my coffee is horrible
and my mind is far away from here
tucked into the damaged hands
of the one who looks at me, and knows.
she makes me want to scream a million of them,
or at least write them down,
to save for a day that i’ll be waiting for, not hoping for.
i used to say that i chase heartbreak,
to pull words from the quarry in my chest
but there’s no heartbreak here,
only a smile i’m dying for.
we can play hide and seek with these affections,
and if in 30 seconds, 30 days or 30 years you find them,
you’ll have to tell me what you think.