I don’t think I will ever have the courage to tell you how I feel. I am just going to write it to myself right here. Last I gave my heart to someone it fell through, I was so sure of it I bet my life. I put it to the test and found out just how bad were for each other. Then another and another. Time is hasty and I feel my time nearing. I am not sure what is going through your mind and I am not going to pretend to know. I can only guess. The events that have been happening have lead me to feel this way. I believe in my heart there is something in your heart for me. I am your friend first...one day maybe more. I don’t know if you want this for a brief moment or for a while. I cannot do a brief moment with you. I think that would destroy me. I have not felt this way about a person in a long time. Maybe I am babbling maybe I am imagining all of this. I feel like this has been going on for a while. Here and there. Please tell me what you are thinking....feeling?? Help me understand so I can understand these feelings or give them up. I don’t want to say I love you but I do I feel the words pressing against my lips as I suppress them from coming out. I don’t want to freak you out but I truly do love you. I am having a hard time admitting this to myself because I have been heartbroken a couple times which has made me doubtful and jaded. When I am with you those feelings disappear and all I feel is warmth and real love. Or is it my imagination. So many feelings all over the place. I feel like I am a chaotic mess because I am entranced and spelled by you. I know of the current situation and it is killing me. I stayed away so long but I can no longer do it. Breath me in or breath me out. Let me in or let me go. I wish to always be your friend if anything but I don’t ever think I can stop loving you

For such social creatures,
We spend hours selfishly isolated,
Willfully separated,
From the thousands around us,
All the unique thoughts, dreams, hopes,
Going unsaid out of fear,
Of dismissal, or of discomfort.

As I lay here, gazing at my  meandering colleagues,
I myself am guilty of the same thing,
Headphones deafening life around me,
Just like so many others, going from one task, to the next,
Willfully distant from existence around me.

With each step I take,
I slip further into Earth,
A trench of regrets.

This place is my post,
My never ending routine,
A prison of thoughts.

Cresting waves of guilt,
An endless stream of questions,
A sea of troubles.

Towering mistrust,
Lost amidst my constant worries,
A forest of doubt.

Why are you so familiar
The way you look so iconic
You’re the gin in my tonic
The reverie is chronic

Have we met before now
In some distant place
I know I’ve seen your face
Old memories you replace

Perhaps we knew before
Each other in another life
Not this one we’re in now
Other realities; Our story rife

Maybe in one we met young
We went to the same school
I was too scared to talk to you
You were probably too cool

I watched you from afar
Saw you grow and mature
You married her and never saw me
That is one I’m sure

Maybe in one I wasn’t scared of you
I faced my fear; We talked
You decided to give me the time of day
And on the beach we walked

We dated for a while then
But one day it was too much
I pushed you away you disappeared
Some stories go as such

Maybe in one our time was brief
A few moments maybe more
Minutes or possibly seconds then
The short ones I abhor

I was down and depressed that day
I was looking for a friend
I saw you then you frowned at me
My life I decided to end

Maybe in one we’re fictional
Characters in a book
We existed only as words on a page
That story I would look

I was a princess and you a knight
You rescued me from a tower
A dragon you slayed you were so brave
With your golden sword of power

Maybe there’s a happy one
My favorite one at best
The one with the happy ending
In this one we were blessed

We stayed together, got married then
Some kids to college we would send
With each other we grew old
We closed our eyes; Our story ends

Ramblings of an imaginative girl
It could all just be thought
But just in case I could be right
My many lives, you’ve meant a lot

Each one just as important
No matter how short or long
In each one you’ve played a part
Your contribution never wrong

So now we’re here in this life
Talking in your bed and going to shows
When this one ends our souls restart
Infinite loop of which no one knows

It’s comforting to think about
How my spirit will follow true
In life and in death we’ll find each other
I’ll forever love you