the wind didn’t blow the same, the trees wouldn’t sway during fall and the longer the day the more i’d wait in until it was dark enough for me to come out and bloom for you, in the essence of moonlight.
at least i used to bloom,
for you, i mean.
although every gray shade and every rough water drop told me not to, i bloomed for you.
but you never nourished me, you left me out to die once the sun came back up and let the city’s busy feet trample my bright and vivid colors.
i must admit, my colors came from you, but now i’ve planted my roots somewhere else.
where wind gracefully caresses with kindness, somewhere the trees dance to the beat of the rain and where the longer the day the more time i have to bloom.
even while in the dark, i’m seen now, for my colors. that’s all i ever really wanted.
......Finding the words to describe the feelings.....
Just by moving through the ocean
Inside, I am swimming, swimming to get away, swimming to come home to what I knew. I know I can never be the same again Knowing what I know now.
I feel the hollow dust of of confusion swirling inside me I feel my impossibility---
like I am trying
each dust particle:
every old idea I have ever had,
before it lands and
makes me sneeze --only to blow
all the dust particles back into chaos,
so I hold my breath....
...exhale ....s l o w l y .......
.....embody this moment....
and become, one who CAN.
...leave this terrestrial moment....
...and go into the water....
And when I imagine I am the whale, I am the vastness within and around I can just breathe and swim
I catch all the plankton spinning in chaos after they have been cast into the ocean currents and the plankton come to me, the plankton feed me one by one-- I can fill my belly with all these d o t s o f f o o d Gathering, harvesting, plankton combing through my baleen, I am fed, I am nourished, just by moving through the ocean. I am free.
Sometimes its hard....to find the right words to describe the feelings inside.