Dear G,
It's becomming harder and harder to express my feelings, especially about/to you. I hope that the poems I recently posted are enough. Enough for just one sign. Nothing even has to happen. I don't even know what I want to know or hear. God, I'm really ******* helpless. I'm sorry. You deserve a good letter, from a normal person. One that has a poper end. I'm a mess, I'm sorry.
Sincerely, yours
Lillie

It's a weird kind of lonely I'm feeling.
Like I'm hugged by a dark emptiness, not your arms.

You keep asking me to be more honest, reveal more. You're stripping me down, piece by piece, but the thing is; I'm already naked. You're just hopelessly tearing off my skin because you so desperatly wanna find something that isn't there. I must say that I feel sorry for you. Forcing me to be so honest sometimes just forces me to lie more. At least you tried.

Ah yes,
A new year to completely **** up.
I promised myself I wouldn't drink the next half decade.
I failed within the first three minutes
Happy new year

The last day of the decade in which I grew up.
Funny. Every year felt like a decade itself.

Solo - Clean Bandit

This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I never meant to leave you hurtin'
I never meant to do the worst thing
Not to you (this solo, solo, everybody)
'Cause every time I read your message
I wish I wasn't one of your exes
Now I'm the fool (this solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
Every single night I lose it
I can't even hear the music without you (it solo, solo, everybody)
Ah, yeah, yeah
Try to stop myself from calling
But I really wanna know if you're with someone new (it solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So do it solo
Can't do it solo
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own (here on my own)
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
So I do it solo

I'm sorry guys,
My internet failed hellopoetry
I'll post the missing notes today

I'm supposed to be healthy.

I work out daily,
My eating habits are normal,
I'm physically healthy,
My grades can be fixed,
My mental health is becomming better,
I'm in a loving, non-toxic relationship,
The connection to my family is alright,
I'm close with my friends.
I have a lot of hobby's and interests
I don't feel empty most of the time.

Why, Why, Do I Not Feel Okay?

Dear G,

It's been a while since we last talked, although we've been messaging indirectly (like this) somehow. That's better than nothing, but still. Knowing that you remember me feels good, since I haven't passed a single day without thinking of you. At least I'm not invisible to you. Like I've said to myself to many times; Letting you go was one of the dumbest mistakes I ever made. It was my own mistake, and I'm sorry.
I can't explain why I left you (yet. someday I will) but I hope that that doesn't stop you from being amazing at what you're doing.
I think that the thing that hurts the most, is not knowing how you're actually doing. The only way I ever hear something from you is stuff on HelloPoetry and via anime memes on your instagram story. Looking at the poems you posted, you're doing better. I don't know if I should be happy or not with that. I probably should, I want you to be happy.
I'm not begging you to get back with me, be friends again or even talk to me. (There would be to much to discuss anyways) Hell, I'd never wanna see myself again. But still,  nothing ventured, nothing gained. Maybe, when you're ready, if you ever will be, or already are, consider it. Consider reviving what we had.

Sincerely, yours

Lillie