I'm starting
to notice
the
nicotine's
burn

I'm starting
to notice
that
it's the
only
warmth
I feel

Sometimes
I miss
you
and the
warmth
you brought then
and

Sometimes
I miss
summer
and the
endless
blissful nights

But
I'm starting
to notice
the
nicotine's
burn

and honestly
it's more
inviting
than I thought
and
I think
I'll let it
stay

Swallows, and it follow
Into the stream of blood
Sorrows, of tomorrow
Quenched along smoke thirst

Poisonous oily liquid, description
Stated literally
Should be avoided, medical prescription
Lingers in breath

Smoker, person's pseudonym
Enjoying for him(her)self
Smoking, process's anonym
Nicotine, isn't always a sin


|AB|

We talk about life
and the darker things,

you assure me everything
will turn out well,
even when we both know

it’s not likely
to be in our lifetime.

I rattle on
asking questions
we don’t have the answers to,

I leave sentences unfinished,
question marks hanging
feeling you coming up short
when you don’t know how to help me,

(no one really does)

and I let you off the hook,
feigning a need for nicotine,
buying bleach instead

hoping I can lighten the mood…

BAN August 5, 2014 8:07 am

I’ve burnt through so many cigarettes that
my mother would be ashamed of me.
And I could blame my father
for leaving his 100’s by his wallet and keys,
giving me the nicotine for free.

What will it cost him, though?

My lungs were becoming his lungs.
It’s frightening how a vice
turns into an addiction
that turns into an idol
that turns into malignancy.

I watched him hold a lighter.
I watched him hold the cancer between his fingers.

I’m watching him turn into the ash
that fills the ash tray sitting in our backyard.

It’s funny how weak one sees another
when one has overcome a dependency.

Put down the matches,
and give your lungs a break.

his eyes trace my figure as my fingers trace his
and when lips meet it proves of radiant bliss
but as soon as pale hearts meets the greeting night
then hips align like stars only to delight
as one we seek places of the highest standing
using directions written on love marked skin
once innocent, now dangerous
no question arises to contradict such action
for strangers eyes lead astray when they hear of our stories
but the novels we write are only locked and hidden
for those strangers would assure to steal them away
elegance and divinity are like those of vintage coffee shops
where broken hearts are mended with love stories, caffeine and nicotine
where our adventures are as priceless as the Mona Lisa
and no soul can buy or touch the love we express
frost-touched lips meet in the seldom disturbed fields
where thoughts gallops freely and laughs carry on caressing breezes
for we out number the night's stars in moments made into memories
and our touch burns hotter than the smoldering sun in the Sahara
desires dig deep as our roots of commitment
while seconds pass  by without your sheer image
for our novels live on, as we tangle around each other
and passion gleams farther in fields with cold breezes
darling, our love is stronger than imaginable
for with you, your more addictive than hot caffeine in the morning
stronger impulse than nicotine in a life-long habit
your love, our love
we are forever infinite

9:30
go to sleep

wake up
check the time

5:30
blink

7:30
blink again

10:30
day begins

coffee in
feel the same
wish I had some Nicotine...
though I could
getting up

Not important

i'm angry
no I'm not
Pessimistic?
that's not me
yes it is

Who am I

read some lit
maybe later
to feel (Blank)
where's the wife
did she cook

What's it mean

this must be
what I wished for
pray for Peace.
ignorant
of definition

I don't have 1

eat some tuna
feel the same
don't know how to Smile?
class starts soon
get it done

Maybe I'll just sit here

why am I angry
im not
mad Thoughts
without emotion
steady heart

Where was i

wish i could be myself
what's that anyway
nothings Right
nothing's wrong
nicotine

Didn't help either

did the world stop
while i slept
did i miss It.
am i black
or white

What's the difference

Maybe i'll play guitar

i didn't
maybe
(This)
is the real me
once in a while

She sat beneath the high-noon blinds
The light too garish - spilling bleach
Not the soft song that falls behind
Far-off horizons of aural beach

No, this was hill-light - mountain-light
It was harsh, abstract, Cézanne
Cutting deep into each crevice - dust-mites
Irradiated at dawn

Overlooking every balcony
Of barking mutt - of barbeque
She craved for an epiphany
To change how she perceived the view

To find some meaning in the pools
The bars - the plastic awnings
She muttered, “I am such a fool”
Then took a drag and kept on longing.

Never had any regrets since your last cigarette
Never a mistake that drink wouldn’t help you forget
You were ‘fun’ and you were ‘tough’ when the fuzz arrested you
The drugs well they were drugs and they did what they do

Just puff and you take and knock all back
And you huff and you joke your life way off track
It’s all about tomorrow for you; and what it can do for you
Instead of putting down childish things and seeing what you can do for you.


Now it’s bright out and all colours break the dread
You can hear and taste the screams and rows and the tears that ever came
New life hits you hard and the old feels haunts your head
Being sober and so burned only lets you know you’re nothing but ashamed

No amount of bodies would stop the haunting in your bed
It was still **** cold and still **** dark and you still can’t forget
You’re not allowed that way out too many so called tears that would be shed
So now you don’t do that? But the sky’s still blue and your bloods still red

Have another drink and heave it up and get too thin
Smoking chops up the life you want to cut in the rut that you’re in
You say you ain’t a drunk you just like to ***** for a while
Doing a-dult things don’t make you less of a child

Now it’s bright out and all colours breaks your head
You can hear and taste the screams and rows and the tears that ever came
You find comfort in the dark and fear this new light instead
Being sober and so burned only lets you know you’re nothing but ashamed

Now it’s bright out and all colours refuse to fade
Show how you love all the love these people have for you
It’s easier to imagine how it could be back in the shade
Trust they rely on you, stick it through.

But don't be a mug they don’t need you, so keep your face out the dirt
Stay sober stay quit even though it all gets through and sometimes all falls out.
Be alive and happy and hurt, instead of dead and numb, dumb and hurt.
Stick it through, stop being you.
Stick it out.