"I want a relationship."
   "I do too. I want one with you."
"Oh, I said I wanted a relationship but not with you"
   "I mean I guess that's fine... Can I ask why?"
opens with no response
   "I won't get mad or anything..."
opens with no response





I guess I wasn't as important to you as you said I was.

If it takes 11 messages
To get 10 "seens"
Picking up your phone 9 times
Talking to 8 friends
With 7 telling you to forget it
But 6 thoughts run in your head
And 5 are pretty good ones
I'd think 4 words
Regret it maybe 3 times
But after 2 deep breaths
I'd take that 1 good chance
And say,

"Maybe we could work"

And by "we," I meant the 2 of us.
We'll count to 3, and the  we'll be
Happier and louder than the 4th of July.
Our hands meet; ten fingers become 5,
After 6, the sky is bleak
But we have 7 more hours to sleep.

By 8, we have coffee and conversation
And you leave me after 9 train stations
I ride alone for 10 more minutes
You've already left 11 new messages
I called you and you pick up at the 12th ring

I said, "come home," and I hear you crying

So maybe we go round gain
Here and there, tying knots and ends
For if a countdown ever would be
I wish the best for you and me

Because numbers are there
So things may seem fair
But truth is, no matter the stage
It is with you I'd like to age

Maybe I mistook
love
for being drunk
on the abundance
of heart beats
that kept on beating
intoxicating
my sobriety
blurring my
thinking

i would gather
all the shooting stars that
fall in my waiting palms
just to give them
to you.

i would swim
to the dark abyss of the sea
and gather all the sunken treasure
just to give it
to you.

what wouldn't i do for you?

You hold her
You kiss her
You pretend to care
You listen
You tell her you want to be with her
You have *** with her best friend.

You ever felt so lost?
Like your life had a path,
but you went off track
and cant find your way back?

The hands of depression grab a hold of me,
grip as strong as graphene.
Drowning me while I'm still breathing.
Brainwashing me of my happiness.

Through all the pain I finally scream out
"Enough is Enough!"
but it just echoes through the tunnels of loneliness.

Anxiety wraps around me like a straitjacket,
pulling me under the waves of life and socialization,
drowning me in the depths of the oceans with it's sinking anchor.
Pulling me deeper and deeper until the sands of a panic attack tickle my feet.

Thoughts in my mind swarm me like bees of a disturbed nest.
Tears in my eyes overwhelm me in the same vein a thunderstorm in a desert.

Numbing the pain with sleep, alcohol, and cigarettes.
I've smoked so many cigarettes my demons are addicted to nicotine.
But nothing can numb the pain of being stuck in your life.
The smoke will never fade them away.

Maybe one day I'll live life instead of fighting it.
"Maybe one day," I tell myself to keep going.
Maybe one day.

maybe.