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E Dec 2020
Dysphoria is lifting a hot cup of bare black coffee to your lips
It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and third degree burns on your skin

It's one of the strongest romances I've had
She stalks wherever and whenever
Yet when pools of blood start to pour
Subsequently from slashes on my wrist
A smile stands tall on my brim

The story of hypocrisy beyond comprehension
How could a human find themselves in obsession
With disorders more dangerous than inventions
And still hold empathy in question

Truth is,
Despotic relations fueled with dissonant expectations
Transcend into deeper feelings of euphoria
Barbwire grappling my throat for seconds that feel like years
But then the pressure suddenly decreases
I'm left with rusted thorns and gaping flesh
Undoubtely grateful to stay alive
Relief washes over and taking a breath feels heavenly
As the opportunity to face demons comes again
The chances of overcoming rise above my head

Hazard and danger don't become horror anymore
If you take it by the throat and butcher it first
Growing into a body you dislike
while everyone is having the best time of their lives
you can't help but feel envy
people can show more skin than you do
because you hide in fabric that binds
people can go about daily conversations
you can't due to anxiety on how your voice sounds
people can walk into bathrooms without thinking
while some wonder if they'll be assaulted simply for being different

the presence of dysphoria hinders the quality of life
it's painful.
it leaves you jealous and scarred.
and the presence of euphoria reverses every horror of dysphoria and slams it on its head.
euphoria makes you feel ****, empowered, powerful.
Anxiety and stress erase while you feel radical and loathe in self-love for how you've crafted yourself to feel happy.

The existence of hate and how I am expected to accept it into my life, turning it upside down and under, makes euphoria even more satisfactory. The feelings of radicalness I feel will never be felt by a cis person. They do not hold the same roles to accept that their life will be miserable and unlovable on the basis of gender identity.
Blanca Dec 2020
I fell for you the moment we met,
But not all at once.
It was a slow descent,
More of a seeping
Into somewhere I had not been before.
Would it be sweet and warm?
Would it be tranquil and still?
Or would it chew me up, spit me out,
Leave me drowned and alone?

And I kept falling.
And you dragged me down by my hair.
A flirty text tugged me down like a brick,
Towards some unknown damnation.
A grab of the thigh sent me spinning,
Over and over and over for weeks.

Then I landed.
Without grace and grazing my skin.
I landed in a place called Truth.
It was filled with a single light,
Surrounded by shadows that whispered
that you would never love me back.
And the whispers broke my bones,
They drew blood from my nose.
I screamed.

But then I began to float,
Carried by a warm wind.
A wind who called herself Revelation.
She told me to rise up
And to realise that you were still here
Here for me.
And that even if it's not in the way I wanted,
It's more than I could ever ask for.

Now, basked in the light of Friendship,
My bones mend, my nose stops bleeding.
And I can start healing.
A very impromptu poem about me healing after my straight friend tells me my feelings can never be reciprocated, and me realising having him as a friend means more than anything else. I know this isn't my best, haven't written in a while and just needed to vent tbh.
emily Dec 2020
a forgotten face disguised as a false promise, i cannot stop my eyes from staring at a picture of you: i am holding onto you with every last breath.

i am trying so hard not to burn under the amber gaze of the ring that you used to wear as you traced my skin with your fingers and from your eyes fell snow and you whispered
i love you, i love you, i love you.

the worst thing about this all, is that if, by some miracle, you were to return i would carve your name into the heavens and repent all of your sins because i still ache for you in an unforgotten, unimaginable way.
not really a poem but just something i wrote :)
E Dec 2020
I don't know what I am anymore
I'm too self obsessed not to care
as if I don't pass by a mirror every hour and stroke my ****** hair
standards of cis normativity never make sense
they don't make sense more than ever
why be like everyone else
when I'm already the outcast
whats the point to stop expression
whats the point to stop..my expression?
of my experience
of my encounters
of my existence
my identity will be radical
with or without cis validation
my happiness is resistance
with or without standards
we were not meant to fit in
so outgrowing it is suitable
Questioning my identity as a trans male and how I fit into society. Although I do not identify as my ***, AFAB, that does not mean I align with male roles, neither male expectations. I align more masculine and am repulsed by being misgendered, but can embrace femininity now that I see myself the way I've viewed myself for over ten years.
little lioness Dec 2020
wordswordswordswordswordswordswords flood my brain when I see you;
words of thanks,
words of care,
words of love...
but every time I see you, those words are blocked by the dam of thoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughts of the past;
thoughts of our afternoons spent together,
thoughts of our plans and promises,
thoughts of us.
then my smile quickly fades once I start to remember the painpainpainpainpainpainpain that it caused...
the pain of the lies,
the pain of the longing,
the pain of knowing that those words, those thoughts, this pain is the only part of you that will ever be mine.
I'm trying so hard to convince myself that I'm over it, but there's still some of me that misses what we shared...
J Dec 2020
arms outstretched,
I reach for the stars
I was always told to want
only to find that I'm
tracing myself against
murky, illegal water
in pink nectar.
I'm too rough
unexperienced
nerves get the best and I
dip down ever so slightly
not bothering to take a breath.
as I slip under the fruity grip
the lake of liquid freedom
clouds my vision.
fear.
a calm, calloused hand
hardened from time
from life
from love
cups my cheeks and
breathes into me
with her
petal lips
sticky against mine
a reminder.
I float back up
before I get a good taste
I twist and turn against the current
hissing
against the surface
Solidago and Indian Mallow
smeared across the sky
reflecting against me
until I'm nothing
but the fuzz
of a peach
i love when women
chris Dec 2020
raindrops fall in winter
smoke greys out the sky
an old bear curls up
he's laying down to die
but he hibernates for winter
gathering all his strength
she'll brave this darkened time
and go on in life at length
xander Dec 2020
through a silver thread our love is intertwined, leaning on the edge of a silver knife and the nape of a man you once loved, much can be undone.

such unearthly love they’ll say, much like the lines on your weathered forehead. The end is nigh, like a loose string hanging around your frail neck, bonds made to be never broken.

hand in hand, the traveling jeans of downtown abbey, such a compromise aristocrats could not bear to lose.

In the old days it was enough, card games and slow dancing in the dark, tasting much of the old stored in the cellar, spirits and conservative values alike.

but can much be said, when the raging of the dying of the light is proved useless? spinning, we can’t sit still, advertised in blue skies, our young blood must’ve been shed.

idealism and passion sits idle, in a prison, a prison we call home. shackled by sandy shores, the foundations of this earth are restrained, like the rose petals that fall from your lips.

twirling and twirling, grace and femininity indoctrinated from young, much can be undone.
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