Deep breath in, smooth breath out. It'll stop burning. It has to. It can't burn the whole time right? Treatment 1 was a success? The boy across from me is staring. His hair is gone. Please God. This isn't happening. Not to me. Not to normal life living me. It's still burning. What the ****. It shouldn't still be burning. Richard. His name is Richard. His laugh is contagious. TreAtment 2 a success? Richards hair is gone. He thinks it's funny. Please God. Not me. Why does it always burn. Can someone get used to this kind of pain? There's no way. Ugh. Rantings of a medicated cancer patient. Super great. God this hurts. Treatment 3? Ok. Richard is gone.. The nurse won't talk about it. All she said is his suffering is over. Why does she talk to me like I'm a child? Or like in not mentally capable of excepting death?! At least he no longer burns! I'm angry. It hurts. Why me is all I can ever think. When they insert this stupid needle into my pump, I feel it immediately take over me. I feel the pain. I feel the complete and total lack of control. Maybe I want to be like Richard..



Riah

I've made my peace with angels and demons alike, I've given my notice so people know this may be thee end of my life. There's only one thing I haven't stopped doing, that's fight. I take the medicine, sometimes in strife. I let them insert the poison that feels like a knife. I've let my hair fall to the ground and cried. I've yelled and screamed and swung until the tears sting. Saying something isn't fair doesn't make it better, it won't take it away or make it hurt less. Nothing will make it right. Cancer. 6 letters. 6 simple measly letters, in others words I guess they're alright, but when formed in this way.. Hatred. I fight until I can't. What other options are there? Die? That's the only other option, but I can't let my mind be clouded. That's not an option in my book. My doctor cried and jumped up and down when he told me my cell count lowered, I was confused at first until I realized, he doesn't want to loose me any more than I want to be lost.. Fight. Fight. ****. Cancer.


Riah