To sleep and not be tired by sleeping
To dream and not be tired by dreams.
To meet with triumphs and disasters
And treat those two imposters just the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by Philip
November 15th 2018.
With a nodded acknowledgment to Kipling.

2006
A stark lesson.
(Beware not to give it all away. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A stark lesson I now relate.
If you put all into life and fail to withdraw
Your happy philanthropic nature giving more.
Men will arrive and take n never show remorse
Your coffers soon exhausted standing empty
Stripped by those you helped when you had
                       PLENTY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sometimes it seems there’s no escape from your mind when life twists your light.
you can’t recognize yourself anymore after all your stars collide.

on the horizon of the black hole in your life full of lessons past,

a self-destructive mind remembering
the heartbreak,
the ungentle death of an interstellar cloud—

pain so hot that you explode
birthing brighter stars.

but you still feel small.

smaller than the earth you walk
that is smaller than the sun it circles
smaller than the galaxy it floats in
that is smaller than the universe they reside.

but they don’t know they’re small
and neither should you,
full of galaxies. you are a universe.

but a universe can yield violence beyond comprehension.
with every heartbreak, and with every tear,
a lesson making you think twice—

did i do this right?

these are not times you should wish to reverse,
these are just the actions of a restless universe.

2006
A stark lesson.
(Beware not to give it all away. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A stark lesson I now relate.
If you put all into life and fail to withdraw
Your happy philanthropic nature giving more.
Men will arrive and take n never show remorse
Your coffers soon exhausted standing empty
Stripped by those you helped when you had
                       PLENTY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One wrong flower and you might lose yourself

That nectar can make your path wind and blur

Your beautiful pattern is an array of polka dots

Braille made to your own biography

My darling butterfly, please watch your wings  

They tear so easily my love

You are already a patch-work,

Sewn back together after tearing yourself into pieces many times over  

When will you love yourself as I do?

Caring for your wings, staying from poisonous petals

And soaring as far away from them as your wings will allow

My dear please remember your wings were made to flutter

And you to float in the sky

Do not spend all your time on flowers that only cause you to rip out your stitches

I often say that you can never truly know who a person is, no matter how long you know them.

The people we are, or who we were,
Are not the same as the people we become.

I have known my best friend for 13 years, and she is a constant in my life. This woman I know.

I know how kind she can be, or when things bother her- even if she hasn't said it aloud.

I know how we laugh together, at stupid things, and stupid people.

I know she loves me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This other woman, the one I loved however...

After three years,
YOU are finally showing your true colours.

I do not know you, but did not claim to know you ever.

You told me who you were,
And who you wanted to become.

I loved you for all of you. The person you were, the person you are and the person you could be.

Even though, I did not fully know you.

I supported you when you had no one, I inspired you when you felt hopeless.

I helped you to see the light, when I suffered in the dark.

I gave to you, before I gave to myself, always.

They say love is blind, it is true; I loved you.

But to YOU,
I was only an infatuation, that suited you well at the time.

You took and took, and would tell me daily how it was not enough.

You dwelled on negativity and losses, never making it easy to see the light when I needed it.

You leaned on me and shed your worries, as I gained more, helpless.

You relied on me to solve everything, like a child looks to their mother.

You wanted and wanted, so I gave and gave. You took and thought nothing of it.

It was never enough.

I began to see your ways, and still I could not refuse you.

I hoped you were becoming the person you said you wanted to become.

I hoped I was making a positive difference in your life.

I was wrong; I enabled you.

I let you take advantage of me, until I had nothing to give to myself.

That has ended. With that end, came so many more.

You are not my lover, nor ever will be again. You are not my solitude, you were only confinement.

You are not the one who brings me joy, only aggravation.

You are not my friend, and you never were.

You are the woman who has two faces.

One face is shown when a person is of use to you. The other face is shown when they're no longer useful.

YOU will never know true happiness, only the facade you create.

You may have caused me pain, but you have taught me.

I may have fallen, but now I rise.

i’m not sure what to hold onto anymore.
everything seems new,
though i’ve known it all before.
am i living my truth,
upholding my truth?
who knows...
i’m not sure what to hold onto anymore..