I felt the sudden change in the air
As icy breath clung I was made aware
Outside my window the shadows fell
But it was too early for night to tell
Still it was cold and dark I know
Then came that knock upon the door
"Thomas , whom I come looking for
Won't you open up for evermore ?"

I shook with fear , for all the years
Suddenly I was filled with tears
I had always made my covered bed
And in absolution I held my head
Still you have no earthy clue
When comes that knock upon the wood
"Thomas , oh Thomas ,  if you would
Unbolt the lock now if you could."

I stood in silence , made not a sound
But by the shadow upon the ground
I knew he waited so patiently
Waiting ! Waiting , there for me
"Come Thomas , the seconds few
You cannot avoid what's in store for you
Do not bother looking for the key
For I have kept it safely here with me ."

I said I was not afraid of Death
That I would not bend in my final breath
Then I remembered my father's passing
How the stillness became so everlasting
And I knew I was no more special
That life is certainly full and spacial
So I opened up the door
"I am Thomas , the Thomas of whom you do implore ."

I was relaxed, and deep in thought
The type of talk that silence brought
When just in earshot it rocked,
tick tock
tick tock
"Must be a clock"
I told myself and resumed my thought

Though as the seconds passed I could not,
Despite the will with which I fought
Do to its incessant knock
Tick tock
Tick tock
I searched for the clock
Unable to find the train I sought

I grew more and more distraught
With each and every tick and tock
That find the clock, I could not
As the silence grew more fraught
With the knock,
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
I knew the pain of Lancelot

On and on it ticked and tocked
I cursed at the unseen dreadnought
It no longer merely mocked
But each and every tick and tock
Became an unseen onslaught
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK
T'was 11 o'clock,
When my heart felt the gunshot

Though the shots I could not block
And on and on the bullets poured
Further into the fray I bored
Each foot a cinderblock
Weighed by war
I slowly walked
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
How I'd make it answer for

Alas
With little blood left to speak for Desperately I implored
"Restrain your hands that caused such gore;
We need not fight evermore!"
But when I heard the ceaseless knock
Tick tock
Tick tock
I new my words had been ignored
And slowly collapsed to the floor

****** and bludgeoned when I hit bed rock, I had still found no clock
But tick and tock it had forgot
The church bell rang t'was 12 o'clock,
Though mortal wounds the seconds wrought
I no longer was distraught
And as I lay in the hemlock
It occurred in my last thoughts
I would miss the beating knock
tick..., tock...
tick..., tock...

It knocked on my door
the cracked door the guarded
the core of what I call home

I have glued it so many times
sometimes with cheap adhesive
others, I thought I'd be artsy
and used gold
maybe something broken can be beautiful
or so I thought

It was cold outside
do you think that's why it knocked?
It wanted some sanctuary some ****** heat?

It knocked with all its might
I was alone inside, enjoying my aloneness
with glue, sticking together the remains
of time

"Go away"
I screamed, I knew who it was
the door was shaking with every pound
the core of this chamber was vibrating
rippling fear, well it's not fear per say
but something I've felt before
something familiar

"I don't want you here"
I yelled it the same way
I'd say it to a returning lover
******* and your doings

The wind blew and blew
and the pounding escalated
so did my screams

I can foretell what it wants
from the pounding
I can feel it again  
just like how a song can ignite
feelings from the past
just like a cologne can time travel you
to that moment, on that street
I know what it wants

Suddenly the pounding stopped
so did the nostalgia trip
I came back to reality
with a glue stick in my hand
and a shard of glass in the other
"caution fragile pieces can cause bleeding"

My mind was not completely at peace
curiosity kicked in, OH LORD IT DID
I jolted to the door
and peeked from the peep hole
there it was, in a raincoat
standing there, looking back at me

Frantic, I felt my knees weaken
the mind sparked some logic
but the heart, that stupid heart
embraced everything else

"Let me in
I miss my home, I miss the warmth
I can see that you glued the door
the one I jolted from
the one I cracked and broke"

I was scared, it was fear this time
mixed with bits and pieces of adrenaline
"I know this feeling, I know it"
I recounted in my head, making sure
it was engraved in my thoughts

"but if I do, it's different now
this house is no longer a home
it's cushioned with protection
glued with experience
decorated with time
and fortified by mental rationale"

It knocked again
like an angry lover
aching to touch his woman again
like an insane human
coming off of his prozac

"It's time, you're rotting
from the inside, I know your beauty is eternal
but it's time you let me in"

Tears ran down my cheeks
I do miss the feeling
of sweaty palms, of butterflies
that feeling of fading into one
of smiling, of pausing time

But I do know that if I open that door
I will be the
person
to throw him out again
breaking
my cracked door
starting from scratch

What do you think?
Should I let him in
this
time
around?

or shall I wait
for the person
who comes jolting through
burning my door with passion
surprising
my core?

You walked in
a pool of sharks
knowing where the good fish is
and the plankton floats

You were floating in
a great ocean of possibilities
some so foreign, your eyes dilated
some so familiar you felt elated

You slid next to great whales of knowledge
and shook the tentacles with wise octopi
with strands of experience

You got bitten by piranhas of isolation
and even bled internally from bumping shoulders
with beautiful heartless corals

Then one day you met a seashell and her friend
you marveled at the intricate art of nature
and became friends
this time you had the courage to knock

Not all hard exteriors
reflect tough
personalities

You just
had to
knock

My intentions are clear
But I cannot see
My soul is teared
I cannot feel
You've left me alone
In such a lonely world

I thought I knew you
Thought I knew your fancy ways
The way you moved, your hands around my chest
Thought that you needed me
But it was never that way

Love of my life
sinner of my soul
if you ever come back
just knock on my door

My beautiful disgrace
My thoughtful appearance
please don't ever come back
because i am long gone

I'll try to find you
amongst sweet wrappers
mold you into a triangle
we shall talk about what matters
how the universe is an egg & you
are the golden tipped needle
ready to split the egg
& how stars & birds will fly out
when you do bend
to such majesty, loud
& impeccably candid
& the neighbor will ask
with a knock, if anyone's in
& I shan't answer, bask
in the glory of silence,
guarding  the future

knock knock
who is it?
love
love who?
love you

go away, you're not welcome
I don't need you
you're just a stupid feeling
a disease that violate our hearts and souls
that make our eyes go blind
and changes our perception of things
you make everyone sick as you pass by

you pretend you're perfect
that everything is beautiful
and it will stay that way forever

but then you go
go without a warning
leaving a hole where once was a heart full of you

I still have the scars of your name in my chest
I still remember the tears I droped for you

why you just came back now?
why now?
why after all this time?

didn't you know I was waiting for you
to knock on my bedroom door?