i know i broke your heart. i know you hear me when i cry. i know all you want to do is come beside me, hold me, love me, and treat me the way no one ever has. perhaps that's just what i need. maybe that's what my heart desires. but alas, all i do is push you away from me. now you're dancing through our house, holding that dress i loved so dearly. now you're playing my favorite song and singing alone laughing. crying. talking. all alone, with nothing, but the ghost of me.
she tried. you have to at least say that. she attempted to find what made her happy, find was caused her smile. in the end, all she found were broken promises, heartbreak and pill bottles. maybe it was that they were expired, or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that she took over twenty. maybe she thought of them, everyone who has wronged her. maybe she thought of her family. all we can do is wonder, who's idea was it? who told her to? was it the voices in her head? was it the people at school? or was it herself?
i spent my days in your arms. crying laughing while you faked a british accent. i learned how to break hearts through flinching every time you raised a finger. i learned how to destroy myself through loving you, putting your needs before mine, your wants, your desires. breaking my soul, asking “how high?” when you tell me to jump. we had no way of knowing things would end the way they did. but maybe you did, you break hearts that’s your thing. you make a girl fall in love and cut out her heart to put in a jar; a jar full of the hearts of all your past broken girls. *******, you called them. you told them they were worth nothing more than the dirt on the bottom of your shoe. you told me the same, but worse. you promised me the world, only to take my life from beneath me. you told me you loved me, only to break me. you destroyed my heart and laughed while i cried. emotionally unstable, that’s my classification, though it seems it has become me. i am no longer stable, and i guess i have you to thank for that.
i think, you and i are the same, she told me. i think you have seen things worse than me though i do believe we are the same. i laughed, taking a drag the cigarette brought calm, serenity, peace. we will never be the same. but we are, but the only thing we have in common.. neither of us will be missed.
i wish, i wish, i wish. your love doesn't come in waves. i wish, i wish, that you didn't bring up my pain. i know that sometimes, there isn't enough love to go around. maybe you've moved on. my friends say i'll get better but there's always that extra word; eventually.
& sometimes, you just have to come to terms with someone not loving you the way you love them.