Mesmerizing never described
me in any sense
of the word.

I have only ever been
sharp corners
and dark shadows;
never the light
in a room.

No one brightens
at my presence, no
I do not inflict joyful
inclinations. For I
have only ever been
the background--
only ever meant to be
in the back of rooms,
removed from the crowd,
invisible.

-db

I am on an island.
An island surrounded
by streets and houses, ebbing and flowing
with light. People crash and rush
through me and past me
yet I am still trapped on this island.
Everywhere is shared -
I am invisible
yet they are watching me.
My hands are shaking
and spilling the contents of this heart
over myself. They will see,
they will hear.
Eyes. Mouths.
Words pointed at me,
bullets waiting to explode,
tear through me.
Collision.
Breath like hot blood on my neck,
dripping into me.
An expanse of hollow space
filled with nothing but terror.

Stronger, but not invincible
Hidden, but not invisible
Unclear, but not unaware
Careful,
          but no longer care.

You walked among the crowd
today
You rubbed, arm
to arm.

They did not see you there.

Among the hustle and the flow
the foot traffic to and fro
there you were
unseen.

Your pain flowing like a waterfall
among the crowd of so many eyes
no perception
none.

They did not see you there.

You waited, paused in hope
anticipation wasted
for not one saw
not one.

They did not see you dear.

And you ended all the pain
all the fear is gone
you left the crowd
to finally be alone.

Forever alone,
for they did not see you there.
invisible

My fingerprints have gone missing.
I sit and there is no dent in the cushion.
I sleep and the duvet lays flat and smooth.
I’m afraid to walk in the wet sand
For fear no footprints will be following me.
I’ve covered every mirror in the house
I can’t bear to not see a reflection.
I whistle for the dog - she doesn’t come.
I make no shadow on the wall.
The scale says I weigh nothing.
I seem to have faded like poorly dyed fabric
Left out in the blazing sun.
Can it be possible I’ve become a wraith
Of someone I once was and am no more.
I didn’t feel the transformation -
I touch my cheek and it feels warm -
But I sneeze and no one says “God Bless You” -
So I guess I’m well and truly gone.
   ljm