i wonder sometimes
am i truly
                                         i n v i s i b l e
do they see right
through me like i am
                                        g l a s s
waiting to be
                                        s h a t t e r e d

There's so many words that left unspoken in my mind
I was lost in thought and now I couldn't find
The right words to say
Is there even a perfect word to say for you to stay?

Or let's say I did
Is my voice be heard?
Would it echo to your soul,
Or be gone into a black hole?

You're just reading a blob of words
Like useless swords
Displayed but never equipped
Epitome of me, noticed but not picked

I want what you have
I want your dreams; the ones that scare you shitless
I want your secrets; the ones you can’t share with anyone
I want the thoughts that keep you awake at night; the ones that excite you
I want the ideas you want to share; the ones you know you never will share

I need what you have
I need your arms around my waist; the arms that will never be there
I need your lips pressed against mine; the lips that mine will never touch
I need your ***** smile smiling at me; the smile that will never look in my direction
I need your stupid ugly khaki jacket around my shoulders; the jacket that will never be near me

I wish that I have what you have
I wish I had your idiotic confidence; the confidence that I will never get back
I wish I had your insanely smart brain; the brain that has put up barriers against me
I wish I had your annoyingly inappropriate jokes; the jokes that you stopped telling me
I wish I had your ability to captivate the world; the captivation you no longer use on me

I yearn for what we could have been
I yearn to have an unconditional love; one that will never break
I yearn to have uncontrollable kisses; ones that we are unable to stop
I yearn to have cheesy promposals; ones that make everyone jealous of us
I yearn for extravagant valentine's day gifts; ones that make me want to scream and cry

You don't want what I have
My dreams; the ones that will never happen
My secrets; the ones that will tear people apart
My thoughts that keep me up at night; the ones that can even terrify me
My ideas that I want to share; the ones that would wreak havoc on everyone

You don’t need what I have
My thick messy hair; the hair that constantly falls in my face
My ***** brown converse; the ones with the laces falling apart
My empty grey eyes; the eyes that stare straight at you watching you ignore me
My annoying voice; the voice that says ****** comments to protect herself from your friends

You don’t wish to have what I have
My brutal honesty; the honesty that burns bridges
My crazy distrust; the distrust that worries my mother
My unbelievable pessimism; the pessimism that causes people to leave
My need to control everyone; the need to control that consumes all of my thoughts

You don’t yearn for what we could have been
You don’t yearn for unconditional love; not with me
You don’t yearn for uncontrollable kisses; but with her
You don’t yearn to give cheesy promposals; you would do anything to be with her
You don’t yearn to give extravagant valentine's day gifts; you would give anything to be with her

No matter how much I want...need...wish...yearn for you
You will always be wanting, needing, wishing, and yearning for her more
She is the pulsing red dot you are moving towards
I am barely more than a blip on your radar.

As I reflect on my life
at such a tender age
I realise one reason why
I have always been
unhappy with who I am.

I have not been honest with myself.
I have been telling myself no truth -
just sweet lies to make me blind
and silence by ears.

In this world, we tend to craft an
image. One of our own dreams
and insecurities.
One of perfection that becomes
our own tragedy.
One to wear like armour but
there are chinks in the armour
of our souls.
And...it's all society needs to
tear us apart.

I spend so much time crafting
this image of who I want to be.
What I want you to see and only see.
What I want you to hear and only hear.
The image of a somebody who I know
will leave a mark in the sands of time...
But I never want to be myself...

It's the same with all of us, I guess...
To walk in a human world that loses humanity
every second of every **** day.
Forcing us to be someone who isn't us
just to be seen...

I've spent so long feeling invisible
when, in truth, I should feel invincible.
I am a human.
I have been labelled as having no humanity.
I acknowledge that I want to be somebody,
but not myself.
I know that now...

I've been telling myself all but one truth...

I am passed by
Looked through
Ignored
I am invisible
I am a ghost in this world
My wish is to be seen
To have someone notice me
To not be alone in this world
But alas I am unseen
and will be until the end of my days