i.

She is mine guide
The light that shine's;
Upon the luminescence
Of the great divide.


©Brandon nagley
©Earl Jane nagley nagley dedication
©Lonesome poet's poetry

What lurks between the realm of light and dark
The secrets, the lies, the skeletons that crept from the closet
The shadows that embrace you disguised as a friend
Whispering deceit and hallow promises
Bringing the shadows closer as a source of comfort
Pain is your wake up call in the morning
Hurt is the piece of my reality that invades my sweet dreams
But what if you were the shadows in which  the secrets, lies, and skeletons dwell

Its the in-between time
Stuck trying to figure out
What to do now?
You could get a job
Catch some zzzs
Stay out too late
It's the in-between time
That changes things
People leave
They move on
And you're in the same place
Wondering "What the hell is going on?"
You didn't sign up for this
When you crossed that stage
Its the in-between time
That hurts the most
It's when you get a taste
Of how your life might turn out

I was told that today would be my last day, which was weird being that I had no job
No, you see today was my last day standing in the in-between,
It’s funny you know, my life could go in two directions and the outcome of it all comes down to this split decision, the one I make right now
But it’s not that funny, I’m not ready to make this decision, I’m not set on where to go,
So the in-between is exactly where I want to be
Everyone keeps telling me what I should do but in reality none of that makes sense to me,
In all honesty, I’m caving, the pressure is a bit too much
I used to find peace in the in-between but now the once solid foundation is beginning to crumble,
It’s sad, to see a place you once loved begin to fall apart and everyone around you cannot see that you’re standing on thin ice
It started off fine, I was able to juggle it all
But then things were thrown off balance, I froze and I could no longer juggle any of this, my act began to suffer,
There once was a saying that the straw broke the camel’s back,
Well, look at me now, the last straw has been added and it looks like I became the camel
I hope this was all worth it, your words have seeped in and the in-between is no longer my home,
This is no longer a place I wish to return,
This place has been burned to the ground so I hope it was worth it
I hope this makes you happy,
Don’t ever let them tell you that the in-between is a waste of time,
It’s already too late for me but there’s still a chance for you
Don’t let them crush your spirit,
Hey, mom and dad, I hope I've made you proud.

Am I too young to be this responsible,
yet worried and stressed and anxious?
I thought the crippling sense
of the entirety of life, love, death,
and all that lies in-between
does not infect a person
until her mid-life.

Here I am, creating ulcers
in my stomach and little else,
with adolescent acne on my cheeks,
a crush on the boy
in my spanish class,
and an analysis of
the inner workings
of the universe
consuming what little
thought space
I still possess.

Meanwhile those in mid-life,
with books full of
knowledge and experience,
cannot understand.

"Grow up,
be responsible,
fix the mess we left you,"
they chant every day.

Why can't they see in my eyes
that my attempts can
never
be
enough?

I can see your world
it is too big,
too complicated,
too negative,
I will not survive it at any rate.

The stress
will
eat
me
alive.

The stress
is eating
me alive.

I am too young for this.

there are no words to describe
the space in between
where love blossoms or welts

no words to describe
the space in between
when life lifts you up or crushes you

no words to describe
the space in between
the joy of birth and grief of death

the greatest gift of my spiritual journey
has been learning to experience
the space in between
where life is more than either/or