I can't find the words today...
If I speak, no one will believe me
They never did, anyways
So I put my heart on display
But my mind is slipping
My soul is aching
And I just want them to listen to me
I want somebody to believe me
Just because my condition isn't physical, doesn't mean it isn't real
Mental illness infects the mind and body
Some people are too ignorant to understand

Up… Up… UP. Down… down… down…
My mind is a storm. Chaos. An ocean of thoughts.
Ideas. Aspirations.
Confusion. Despair. Isolation.
    How long must I suffer?


alone


   Surrounded yet alone.


But then I’m not. Up, up, up I float.
      I walk on clouds.
       Mountain tops.
I cling to this feeling.
  How long will it last?
   I, naively, hope forever.
I float in peaceful rivers.
I lift my eyes to the Heavens, and burst with thankfulness.
I’m okay
I’m not alone.
I am at peace and enveloped by everlasting love.
Though I crash, abruptly.
I fall and fall and fall. I crack.
But I heal.
    I endure, keep trudging.
The confusion and lies of Satan don’t pin me down.
                                Not anymore.
You are with me, forever.
You wait for me. Love me. Hold me. Walk beside me.
I am a warrior. Survivor. Stronger than ever.
I can’t do it alone. This life, this rollercoaster of a mind.
I can’t trust myself, I put myself in Your Hands.
I trust You.
I cling to you, with all that I am.
For You are good, and You provide. 
 I repent.
I am renewed.
Peace ever flowing, Love everlasting.
My Love. My Father. My Savior.
Thank You.
I am not a disappointment, or crazy, or demon possessed.
                       Your Holy Spirit remains.
You love through me. You were intentional in my creation.
  I am Yours.
                         Forever and always.
                                    Amen.

I spend.
I drink.
I rationalize.
I think.
No filter.
I speak.
Hypocrite.
I leak.
Overdrive.
Can’t stop.
Socialize.
I shop.
   Mentality.
No breaks.
Try to heal.
I ache.
Pray.
For sanity.
Vanish.
Vanity.
Love.
Conditions.
        Strive.
Submission.
All is fine.
Squander.
Why?
I wonder.
Stand up.
I pledge.
        Not worth the fight.
Allege.
        Drained.
Mentally.
Stained.
Fundamentally.
Saved.
Eternal.
Grateful.
External.
Unchanging.
All praise.
Loved.
Unfazed.

I swim into the depth of sulpiride every night
where those times I died like the dead roses
when I took the stairs right to the light
every composes derived the harmony of doses

To swear upon the streams of reckless
To the labyrinth of happiness
here I go to come fire the enclaves
Maybe nobody in home, hopeless

I do not believe that anyone could love someone with mental illness.
Either we feel too much or not enough at all.
Either we're sleeping too much,
Daydreaming
Eating too much or not at all
The nightmares or night terrors
The days you cant feel emotion, or when you feel it all
No I do not believe anyone could love someone with mental illness
Any attempt and you cant be discarded and forgotten like you never existed
Its all a lie.
The only truth is that everyone is selfish and will never truly love another