Ninah Dau Mar 2017
for so long
i pushed the last morsels of my wounded heart
on my tasteless mouth to chew like a toy.
resignation helped cease the grief
outside the seams of my racked enough brain,
but then
you rummaged through strings and dreams
trying to reach out to me, violently.
of course i kept fretting on the costs of your unwitting love
soon, illness and fatigue crept within me
my heart, careless of iniquities,
had finally embraced its meekly destiny
stored as a dusty shelf memory
but i, tottering on the brink of the grave
stood still, loving you

armorless, wistfully,
curiosity was born from isolation,
questioning myself why you keep running
but i cannot scape you;
perhaps the budding silence that exists
between the comely swears of my adoration
and the elated memory of who you once were
keeps my feebly soul attached to mortal expectations,
even when, quite frankly, we both know
the untold truths hidden within this fondness,
but still i hope i'm not as forgettable
as your silence is making me feel.

i hope to forgive myself one day,
when the sea strands collide with the vastness
of the chaotic ocean, to lay calmly,
safely, into the arms of whoever's devotion
they may fall.
for i pray this sadness to cease
but oh, who i am without this pain, my love.

certain i am for i am not yours,
neither am i the only one,
and i do not wish to step away
but neither do i know how to stay.
Ninah Dau Sep 2016
everything reminds me of you
the dancing trees,
the warm summer breeze,
the falling leaves,
the long subway rides home
when i leave and when i come back
all those times i stood in your front door and left
that late night birthday call,
i was so scared you wouldn't pick up
and more so when you did
it's hard to talk to you when all i want to say is i love you
and it slips in every single poem
you seem to ignore for the best of us
i try to let go but you see
it's been so long and still
i can't i can't i can't

— The End —