I'm not okay, without you here. I feel afraid, when you're not near. I miss you and the way your voice sends energy throughout my veins. Us being so far apart, leaves me in pain. As these few weeks turn into days I know that when I see you it'll all be worth it. For you, I'll endure it.

"I never really liked blue eyes,
but her's,
                           god,
the way they reflect the sunlight,
the way they sparkle in the dark,
the way they gaze into mine.
She has guided me through
one of the darkest times of my life.
She is the light of my life.
She has stood behind me
throughout this all.
Refusing to back down.
She loves me and
god
do I love her.
If only I could tell the world,
                         she's mine.
I could hold her hand in public,
I could kiss her in front of others,
I could run away wit her,
we could finally be free.
But,
until then,
we'l just have to wait.
After all,
two years
isn't that far away."

my friends say it's pointless to cry over
that i'm better than that
"**** him"
i just hate this so much
these tears,
so called "pointless"
are present and
undoubtedly existing
i know i'm not too high to mistake
i rub my eyes
i ******* fingers
i know they're real
i'm still fighting it
because i'm "better than that"
but these tears,
they sting
they burn on my cheeks
have i fought it for so long?
but i saw you
with her
and you saw me
then you grabbed her hand
just to let me know
and trust me,
i know
my dad tells me not to regret anything
not to regret the money i spent,
the time i spent,
the love i spent on someone
so foolish
he tells me it's just a lesson
and i'll learn many more
i know i gotta be prepared
i feel like i should be
but i think i'm not
i regret ever telling you everything
i regret my words to you
i regret my hands and how they know you so well
i can still feel you
my hands won't let me forget
your smell is memorized
your laugh is memorized
you're still there, right?
god, i just hope you know
i hope you know she doesn't compare
i could elaborate but i think that says enough
we're all in denial, aren't we?
this is where i say "**** him", right?

My pink cheeks ache from smiling. My scarlet lips are untouched, unkissed. My big brown eyes are overflowing with tears yet I feel nothing roll down my pink cheeks. My ****** heart is just a toy in your hand. As soon as my heart left my body and made it's home in your hand, you played with it. Your tall and sturdy structure that I so desperately want to wrap myself around came tumbling down. You became a child. A little boy that found his new favorite toy. And I became, do you know what I became? I became your puppet, obeying at your slightest touch. My strings are pulled by you. My voice is silenced. I want to shout. I want to scream at you for stealing my heart. All this sound builds up in my throat but only I can hear it. You rotten thief! You stole my heart. I became your puppet. And yet, even though I put on such a spectacular show. You threw me in your closet and locked me away.