They say if you truly love something, you’ll let it go, I never thought I’d be the one to let go...
It was a rainy day in late May, the sky had seen no such rays of pure light, in fact it hadn’t seen the light of the sun in days. Instead ominous dark clouds lurked above. The heavy precipitation did wonders to break any attempt at an eerie silence. *I liked it. The uproar as raindrops pelted on the window, piercing like needles.
We used to sit here, you and I together. You’d be on my lap and we’d look out unto the view. To sit and watch the sunset or as the day passed by, the trees dancing in the wind. The peaceful stillness of life when everything seemed perfect. Now I sit here alone, left to myself and my thoughts. Reminiscing of what once was. Guess that’s why they call it window pane...
I look back, think back further to when we first met. That sweet smile that would always say what words could not. A soft smile that would never cease in reminding me things will be okay. I remember looking upon those pale blue eyes. The way the shone so bright, gleaming in the light of day and sparkling in the dark of night. I always felt a sensation down my spine when they were trained on me. You stood there nervously, shying away as best you could trying to hide your perfect smile. Clad in a baggy hoodie and shorts you awaited for me to approach before throwing yourself into my arms with enough force to send us stumbling backwards. We landed in a heap on the floor. I opened my eyes slowly, and with burning cheeks I find you rather attached to my persons. You're arms wrapped tightly round my waist, face hidden. I could have guessed I wasn’t the only one blushing intently.
Its a memory i'm not likely to forget. It shall remain with me always, a reminder to better times. When we were happy, when we would laugh and play the days away. I miss those days... I miss...you...
We took the world by the throat, we were a team and we could conquer anything. We (like everyone) had our ups and downs, we had fights, we had hiccups in the road but we always worked it out. Thats one of the many things that I loved so much about you. No matter how much we cried, no matter what we said or what we felt, you were always there for me, and I was always there for you. Its how we worked. “The Dream Team” We always came out on top, bonded together with the strongest emotions of compassion and love.
But once again I am shaken from my thoughts, still sitting as I had been, staring out into what could be described as nothing. Into darkness, into emptiness. I think I much prefer living in my head I think to myself, it's so much nicer to me, things are better there...we’re together there...
I think it's on days like these i feel like the world reflects me. Just as the water reflects the sky, a perfect mirror portraying such untruths. Just as water appears to be blue the world appears to be sad. For me.
A selfish thought that had stricken me, left me breathless. The sky has been crying, mimicking my actions. The purest of white clouds had faded to nothing but grey and black, mimicking my once pure happy mind, now plagued with dark greys and blacks influencing my character and behaviour. They say if you truly love something, you’ll let it go. I never thought i’d be one who you who let go some time ago now. I said you didn’t know why I had to, deep down we both knew we did. You (like I) hated to be alone, hated it (like I) when I was forced to leave. One day...i walked away...only this time when I returned. A heavy shadow lingered over me...
I don't think I'll ever be able to escape the guilt of breaking up with you...
Like a ominous dark shadow that follows me around. I'm glad I still have you, truly...just... sadness
