It usually starts like this
My heart beats loud and angry
cracking my bones crushing my chest
My breath escapes me
empties my lungs as if i have run
My mind creates a thought
a terrible thought
then exchanges it for another
and another and another
moving too fast making it hard
to follow the line of thought
that causes my lips to bleed
from where my teeth bite them
and to others i look calm
barely pensive
maybe stressing
but my body is still like rock
and hot like fever
it can't catch up with my thoughts
and the voices in my head
i didn't do enough i didn't stop it
i didn't care enough why didn't i drop it
it should be me suffering not you
suffocating in cluttering feelings
and conversation smothering
everything you are
And then
I hear you
and You are fine
just too busy
to answer my calls
So it falls
My chest from where it was tensing
And I
breath
I could never let you know this feeling, the guilt would eat your heart out
