Reverberation
of  bells echo
Distance and lucid
Lulling to me ,
A familiar
unknown
Church on the other
Side of town

I am less holy
Tonight, Getting darker
By the hour.

I dreamed

of you once
On a cold barren night
& here you are
Wavering, languid,
never remaining the same.


Cold Santa Barbara Air
Blowing
Into the small top floor
Apartment

Needle in my green vein
Bleeding , eyes closed
& consciousness vast-
Fading in
And out,\

His breathing louder, rising
Like the waves, crashing,
into me
Like the waves.  

I am lucid tonight.
born to escape
This life, for
We watch the distant
Sea in awe
And sing lyrical tunes in a vacant
Apartment at dawn and we leave our homes
Only to miss them.

We never belonged here in the first place,
It never felt like home.

My limbs are long and sore
From a falling unto the earth



we were born to escape

They'll tell you that you're selfish when you finally let them go
They'll guilt you and they'll shame you for not caring
When you take control of all the things that you already know
And let go of all the pain that you've been bearing

They will tremble in the shockwave that you leave them in your wake
As you put the days you wasted far behind you
They will tread above the water in a panic of self-hate
As they realize that there's nobody to run to

They didn't want you, but they did, when they thought you'd walk away
But reality had never crossed their mind
That maybe you are stronger than who you were yesterday
So you had to leave some clues for them to find

They'll scream at you and say that you are wrong to block them out
But the peace is almost deafening to hear
As they realize all the love that now they'll have to live without
They will try and stuff you full of all their fear

So now smile. Walk away until you can't hear anything
What they say is now no longer yours to hold
So go off, enjoy the light that only happiness can bring
And let all the things that you deserve unfold

i am trying to take care of my body
nurture it as if it were a newborn
cherish its hills and valleys, winding channels and perpetual rainfall
trying to help it move and sit and walk
and perhaps someday it will dance again

i am trying to take care of my mind
gather it up into my arms, tenderly
push away the clouds that gather and threaten to obscure the sun
throw open the curtains, unleash the riotous day
flood its rooms with light and the inevitability
of unwavering hope

i am trying to take care of my soul
nurse it carefully, puckered lips towards the sky
awake in anticipation for all the things that are yet to happen
the may-nots, the mays, the possibilities, the junes
and all of the beautiful days
that are sure to follow

as i push away the fury in my heart.

Guiding light shines
within me,
omnipresent
on vast roads ahead,
like glittering gods.

Like headlights
when the
clear road
eludes me, like
winds in spring,
in my time of need.

For there are paths
yet to be paved
& mountains
yet to be trekked
& All the stars
can't shine at once.

Guiding light, you lie
within me, even when you
are blocked by a tall palm tree,
even when you are dim
on my midnight drives, & it's hard
for me to see,

Guiding light, you lie
within me.

What if you feel like dancing?
I mean when you’re in class
or standing in a pandemically
distanced line - you know
INAPPROPRIATE times?

And what if you feel like singing
but you’ve been told your singing
is like the screeching of an angry cat?

What if you’re being stared at
because you’re pencil tapping
or head bobbing to a happy tune
that’s only playing between your ears?

What if you’re smiling to yourself
despite having to read 300 pages
every night for homework?

Happiness can strike, like a thunderclap
or in my case - the morning alarm.
I mean, have you ever found yourself
quivering with uncontrollable happiness?