Old habits becoming the present
Past thoughts rushing back
Forgotten struggles now resurfacing
You thought you were a new person
But you're not
You didn't change
That part of you was just hiding
You said that you would never
Lower yourself to doing that again
You said that you learned your lesson
But here you are
Laying in a different bed
With a different guy
Practicing the same old habits
Hating yourself
Adding more scars to those existing
But paint that smile back on your face
So family
So friends
So strangers
Can't see the pain
Your suffering

It's funny isn't it?
How hard old habits seem to die.
Like the taste of beer that lies on your lips.
Or the laugh that's caught in my throat.

Everyone has a habit.
Mine is biting my nails until I start to ******* fingers.
Everyone has a habit.
Mine is falling in love to quickly, like a clumsy school girl who always falls into her crushes arms, just to be dropped
Everyone has a habit.
Mine is getting rejected like a credit card that has been maxed out.
Everyone has a habit.
Mine is always saying the wrong thing. When ever I talk to a girl I become my secret identity : loser boy! My one power is repelling women away quicker than the flash runs around a shopping mall with a Visa card .
Everyone has a habit.
Mine is brushing my hair until it almost looks like something that I could love, my hair is a chain that links me to my skin color, like a slave hooked to an auctioneers stage.  So I try to brush away my skin like  getting rid of thick curls will change my heritage.
Everyone has a habit.
I have this really ****** habit of never being happy. I always pick apart things and find some reason to hate myself. Im always to tall, to black, to stupid. I can't be happy for long because when I do I destroy myself like an evil villains plot when he presses the self destruct button because he's lost confidence in his plan.
My biggest habit is smoking cigarettes made of sadness, and allowing depression to infect the rest of my body like terminal cancer. I can't recall if I smoke  a pack a day anymore, it's a part of my everyday life. With every meal, movie or social interaction, I need a drag of sadness. There's this girl though, her smile is a nicotine patch, her voice is a message from my dr saying "we've found a cure, for your depression."
Now i can put down the pack.

I love the way
you grab my hand,
lovingly, tracing it like a palm reader
who wants a better future for me
than the one you see,
you gently caress my face
and let me rest
next to you
now.

On my morning walk home
I laughed at the scared squirrel
who ran out of habit
and not because I was going to hurt it
On my morning walk home
I laughed at my self
who ran out of fear
even though you will not hurt me.

I'm falling fast,
Losing grip,
My judgement is clouded,
I can't think.

I know this place,
I've been before,
It seems like home,
But so much more.

I'm addicted,
To the pain it gives,
As I try to breath,
I sink back in.

In the dark,
Im all alone,
I gave up fighting,
I've let them win.

I've lost control,
I've never had,
And I've slipped back into old habits,
I won't be able to control.

We all have habits
Hang ups we turn to when words fade from use
When the touch of another feels false
And the skin that you're in feels ill-fitting and loose
Of addictions we choose, are you the user or the used?
Light-headed from smoking far too many cigarettes
But it's better than the spins I get when your name is said
Her toxicity is met with one of my own
Eroding with every upturned stone
To find a reason to use the air in my lungs to talk to her
Instead of fill them up with smoke
But I don't.
Returning burning bile from drinking far too many drinks
But it's better than the taste of blood from getting hit in the face
A father who longs for the respect of fear
Maybe he hits you because he hates himself
And he sees in you the colour of his eyes or the curl of his hair
Or maybe he just does it because it's easier to hurt than to love
The same way you drink because it's easier to be drunk than to forgive.
So **** anyone who does anything to keep you from being able to live
But try to forgive
Not for them, but for you, to begin to heal these wounds
Because your peace of mind was not built for two
Live while they rue.

it's all too easy to
revisit old habits

familiarity gently strokes my
long hair after trauma
as he plots to cut away at me
with a friendly grin on his face

until i fully realize
familiar is not always synonymous with comfortable
i will continue to tell myself
to stop searching for happiness
in the place that i lost it.

You say you hate the taste of cigarettes in your mouth but yet here you are, lighting another roll.
You tell yourself that you hate the alcohol burning your throat yet you're always getting drunk.
You swear you don't do drugs but you're currently lost in Nirvana under a strangers bathroom sink. You say parties aren't your thing but that doesn't stop you going out every weekend.
You promise yourself that she's the last one as you sneak out of her bedroom window before moving on to the next girl you find.
Stepping school is bad you think as you sneak out of the gates with your best friend yet again.
You vow to change yet this life is
******* thrilling and old habits die hard.
- Vulgara

He retreats into his home, and
Now his ritual's begun,
He briefly questions his decisions, and
The person he's become.

Now he brings to birth, an orange flame
Beneath a tarnished silver spoon.
His eyes fixate on glints of light,
Which penetrate his living room, and
Flood into his windows, from the
Autumn evening's harvest moon, and

He looks down into the spoon, he
Smiles, and gives a simple nod, and
Now with unremitting reverence, he is
Praying to his God, and begging:

"Sanctify me, rectify me,
"Tranquilize, mesmerize me,
"Pacify me, O' great master, so
"That I might know thy peace, and
"Fill me with intrigue, pon which,
"My famished soul might feast!"

"Won't you please..."

"Light my darkness?
"Stoke my flame?
"Calm my mind and
"Heal my pain?

"Dry my weary,
"Weeping eyes, and
"Grant my heart, to
"Feel again?"

"If only for a moment,
"Let me know that
"I'm still live! and

"Fill me with your beauty,
"That of which, I'm so deprived!"

Now, he draws up with his needle,
The cold steel then tears a hole,
He feels relief, that within seconds,
He will once again be whole.

Back he pulls, as crimson stains the walls
He pushes in, and back he falls,
Into the velvet wonderland, of
Blankets on his bed.

His prayer indeed, was not refused
He feels fulfilled, he is renewed,
Well, at least until tomorrow's
Vicious cycle starts anew.