I admire her
for her amazing passion
of the sport
keeping her playing
despite
being the only junior on JV
all the others
quit
when they didn't make
varsity
her asthma
a constant issue

I admire her
for being the slowest
yet,
continuing to play
multiple
running sports
Always struggling
always coming dead last
never getting played
yet sticking to the game

These couple people
and more
keep playing
because,
they love the sport
they need exercise
some other reason

I was one of them
...
nonathletic
...
Five years of basket ball
scoring my first goal
in my fifth year
...
So what did I do?
I didn't work hard at getting better
I didn't outright give up sports,
either

...
...
...
I,
became a
goalie
;)

It’s a very difficult thing
Guarding 50 meters
Covered in
Full body pads

My teemmates
Were playing
“Field hockey rugby”
With the “goal”
Being
The
End line

A goalie
Meant to
Guard a
4 meter
Goal
Reduced
To sprinting
Across
50

A foolish decision,
You may think

Yet,
It was mine

Why?
You may ask
What could have possibly
Convinced one to make
Such a choice?

Well,
The fitness
For one

Imrpoved speed,
In my pads
For another

Avoidance
Of practicing
Boring goalie drills
At the other side of
The field,
As well

Practice,
Stalking the ball
For a fourth

But mostly,
The feeling
Of running your
Heart out
Laughing your stomach
Out
Cheering
Your throat out
And finally
Getting down and *****

Diving,
With all your might
Full body
Heart
And mind
Giving their all
With one goal
-to stop the ball

In first grade
My mom
Made me read
A
Magic Treehouse book
Someone had bought me as a present

Then came my 6+ years long obsession
With fantasy

In third grade
My mom made me read
Red Pyramid
Recommended by my girl scout
Troop leader

Thus started my 5+ year obsession
With mythology

In seventh grade
My mom signed me up
For a field hockey goalie camp
She heard about
From a colleague

This started my 4 year venture
Into being a field hockey goalie

Somehow she always tells me
I never listen
She forces me
And I fall in love

This cycle has repeated

So much

When will I learn from my mistakes?
Will I ever?
When will I be able to find these things for myself?
Will I then be truly independent?

It's a funny feeling,
to have a conversation
with a field hockey ball

It wasn't even a conversation,
really
Mostly I just gave it a baleful glare
For being hit straight towards the cage
And stopping
RIGHT BEFORE IT

It truly didn't affect me in any way,
simply my inner angst
at my poor performance
being taken out on this innocent round
piece of plastic

Mostly, for eluding me
Yet, still stopping,
not by my efforts
But by the lack of force applied to it

It could have gone in
Or,
It could have been blocked

Instead,
it chose to rest
just before the finish line
taunting me,
Proving to me,
that my effort is completely unnecessary
That,
even an invisible entity
known as air resistance + friction
can do my job for me

Oh,
By now you're probably wondering
who I am in this scenario
Considering,
If I was an offender,
attempting to shoot
I'd desire the ball to cross
And I'd push it in
rather than subject it to my resentment

You, see
I,
am the goalie