Numb

I can’t
Feel anything
I sit
I blast music in my ears
To drown out the sorrow from my brain
I can’t stand it
The tidal wave of nothing in my head
It has settled at the bottom
Rising almost all the way to the top
Where my only living emotions lie
Pain
Exhaustion
And their friends
I want to end it all
I have to end it all
I can’t end it yet
But I wish I could
But what’s keeping me from doing it
Nothing I have is worth keeping
I’m not worth saving
I wish I could die
It would be better that way
For everyone else
And me
No one will miss me
Least of all those close to me
I am a scourge to all those around me
Why can’t I do it?
Why can’t I **** myself?
The answer is all to plain to see:
I am a coward
I’m stuck in my ways
I’m passive
I can’t even bear to do something
Anything
That would improve the quality of life
For all those around me
I don’t have to be here
I don’t want to be here
I shouldn’t be here
So I ask you
You over there
You
You have a knife
You have a stick
You have something
You can do it
Do it for the world
Do it for yourself
Do it for me
It would really be a favor for yourself, though
Go ahead
Rid the world of my shadow
Let the spot used to fill me encapsulated in light
The world will celebrate my death
There will be a national holiday
Dedicated to celebrating the lack of me
And remembering that
I, too, would be celebrating if I could
It would have been the only time I could feel joy

using his goading wit
and cocksure personality,

he declared to the public
that his physical features
were a chiseled mathematical
equation of perfection
in comparison to my own
unprepossessing attributes

a bit conceited perhaps
but I never give into such
supercilious irrelevance
with my modesty as I left
him soaked in his own
self-proclaimed victories

maybe I was doomed with
the probability of having an
abominable physiognomy
or maybe it was just that he had
a face only a mother could love
and I didn’t have a mother