In between ubiquitous pain
and shallow laughter---
---through my meandering rivers
I think of you

My proclivity for sadness
is my signature
And I’m sitting here
still staring at your pictures

When I said “it’s okay”
you knew it wasn’t fine
and losing a friend is losing a sacred poem
that once was lovingly mine


-c.s.

i want to write poems for you
but you bled me dry
and now all i have are whispers
in place of sonnets.

I said I didn’t like you when I first met you,
Because I didn’t trust the way you moved your hands.
(Your fingers moved too gently and beautifully.)
But one day, when I had to play softball in P.E.,
I kept striking out.
You showed me, with your hands,
How to hold the bat.
Your hands guided mine and showed me what to do.
After that, how could I hate your hands?

and now
at the end of our days
when we have nothing left
but our memories,
if i could tell you
just one thing
it would be how much
my heart burns for you
and that our love
will remain
my sweestest hallelujah
and outshine every star
in the night sky.

”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To a child who only knows life
And distant lessons of death.
A boy learning to builds walls
Out of plastic bricks—
Defending against feelings.

”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To the one who falls asleep
Next to the voiceless dog
As it's quiet breath whispers
Instinct and unknowing—
Young ears open to all things.

”I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
To the son who knows no difference.
Climbing to the tendriled top
Of his trusted tree friend.
Swaying in what was real—
Falling and the warm Midwest wind.

"Let's play hide and seek."
She said,
"You count and i'll hide."
So I counted to ten
And off I ran
In search of my little friend
Maybe behind the wall?
Or inside the slide?
My little friend
Sure knows how to hide.
I scratched my head,
And thought again,
Where is my little friend?
Under the big tree!
That's where she must be.
Surely, there I found
Under the tree without a sound
There she floated
High above the ground.
A necklace of pain
Hugging her throat.
What happened to my little friend?
The girl I used to know.
The happy girl she disguised to be.
Why, my little friend?
Why have you hidden your pain from me?
All her life was but a game.
A tormented game of
Hide and Go Seek.
She searched and searched
But she never found herself.
Now lost she will be
For all eternity.
Oh, my little friend,
If only I would have known!
You would not have been alone.
I would have searched,
And you would have been found.
Now I watch
As my little friend
Is lowered to the ground.

if all well,
no need to reply


if family well,
safe and sound,
no need to reply

however(!)

if you feel the need to ***** and moan,
demonstrate a cantankerous orneriness,
displeasure at the state of the world,
well then shoot me an urgent email!

just don’t expect a re-ply,
cause then I’ll be 200%
painfully certain you are
100% A-OK!