sabrina has her cartoons on
i keep pouring my drink
my phone is off
my laptop is fully charged
these moments are being recorded
the steak is cooking
my mom is sleeping
i miss listening to her sleep when i kiss her goodnight

i wake up to the sound of nothing
i turn around and look at sabrina
i look at the ceiling and contemplate the day
i walk to the restroom, the mirror tells the outcome

i live the day, and cook for sabrina

my darling

i'll satisfy your stomach

and your mind

my darling

you're watching cartoons

i love you dearly

this moment, until my body shuts down

intuition is a
powerful premonition
I feel it in my gut- hate

Your feelings eat away at your brain

until there's no rational part left

and then your fear over comes you

takes control

and doesn't leave

until that one last breath

and then you take the plunge.

everything you said, I pray that you mean it
the skeptical approach makes me struggle to believe it
so spare me the details, don't feed me the lies
it was you I fell for, by surprise

i hate so much hating myself
my skin
my arms
my waist
my legs
and all my body
'cause I'm a living, breathing creature
who can walk and talk and think and feel
my body works perfectly
and it has done so much
just to keep me alive.
my body loves me,
so why can't I love it back?

i hate how no matter how we're born
we are taught to despise
every bit of ourselves.

i hate how we learn to hate food
while so many are starving
for real reasons.

i hate this tortuous looks in the mirror
and this never ending cycle.

i hate how we try so hard to
make our outside look pretty
while we empty our insides.

i hate how our society
damages young girls and boy's brains.
i hate how they'll never feel whole
and proud of themselves.

i hate how socially acceptable it is
to do whatever it costs to lose weight
and i hate how we applaud
when people do.

i hate how we think it's okay
to comment in other people's appearance
as if it was meant for us
to define what they should look like.

i hate how hypocrites we are
talking about how wrong all this is
but reproducing this all the time.

i hate how no one actually cares
until it's too late.
and i hate how we're all broken,
pretending to be okay.

He's gonna fall in love
for the way you like to watch the sky,
the clouds,
and the light below the trees.
He'll be enchanted
by the way you see the world,
your bright smile,
and your desire
to care and make everything ok.
He's gonna read each
one of your poems
and try to understand the stories
behind them.
He'll encourage you to sing
and he'll play with and for you.
He's gonna love to hold your hands
and will try your crazy food.
He'll look deep in your eyes
and recognize your sad smiles,
like no one ever did.
He'll kiss your forehead
and his hug
will hug you from the inside out.
He'll hear you whispering
that song only you know
and he'll sing along with you.
He's gonna make you believe
in love again
and each of those cliches
and songs
will make sense.
He won't complete you:
he will give you the feeling
that we could break you
into a million pieces
with just a smile,
but you'll tell jokes
just to see that smile
again and again and again.
And I swear to you
he's out there somewhere.

i have such an urge
to tell you of all
the beautiful poems
i had spent nights creating
in memory of the day
in memory of the way
i fell in love with you
how madly i wanted to love you.
special enough
to carry a whisper of your name
deep within their meaning
a whisper of how much you meant to me
a whisper of how much you mean to me
so impossibly beautiful
that it makes me afraid
so very afraid
that you will scan
my written words
over and over again
with the same hazel eyes
the same eyes
that i saw galaxies in
the same eyes
that i still see galaxies in
and see nothing
but lost letters
on a sheet of paper.

I wish it is an endless sidewalk
So I can make every step out of it
I wish the rain won't stop
So the droplets will keep touching my skin
I wish the breeze stick around
So I won't stop breathing
I wish the cold wind keep blowing
So it can whisper through my ears
I wish you stay
So I can live forever