There are words that can't reach me from here
If you simply pluck them from there.

I need to know a person like you exists,
not about what other people say,
not about what you do in order to be like them,
not like losing the one thing you can't have back
in order to become higher than me, not about
breaking yourself for others because you simply
can't fix them.

Once in awhile, someone needs you to be you,
and sometimes, I have to be me to be me.

Let someone know you can be yourself, and it will all be fine. And being fine, is simply alright.

I walk this Kiez
A perfect balance of anger and grace
I must be on my toes
At every moment
Scanning each face
Adjusting response in lieu of what's said
To hold space with intent
Not wanting to expect the worse
Encounters of violence
But I prime my senses
Prepare my reflexes
To respond at a split
So at this knifes edge
My nerves sit
Thus I Take the city at my pace
Smile and walk these streets
Always chin up
Look the world in the eye
And from this flow
Square my shoulders
Preside
In this moment. I stand
Exist and go forth
Question not where I came from
But still exhort from my feet
A slow pace
One after another
I aim myself home
Throw the compass asunder
As I stalk and i prowl
My body projecting a fierce front
That I pray will get me to my door
Untouched
Unnoticed
And unharmed
Slide the key in the lock
Feel resistance as tumblers align
And allow me entry
Finally
To my home
My safe space
The weight of holding a balance between anger
And grace falls away

Dripping sweat, from the days slaving away
Carving, the blood and frustration into a mask

Each chip, which shaves and thins, is paid in flesh
This facade can capture many faces, or no face at all

But when placed upon the brow, the craftsman disappears
For in this tribute to false faces, the true being surfaces

I have never known myself, until I dawned this mask
I breathe air which has never been my own, I am alive.

Perplexed.
As I looked into his eyes, replaying the conversation in my mind...over and over again.
Studying his mouth curvature and ****** expressions, change from confidence to bewilderment. As I confronted his most recent "story".
Stumbling over words, not even remembering his own storyline, it all came to a head.
It's all a fog. The last 11 months of my life.
A tangled web of fulfillment..loss..love..pain..a seeming friendship..laughter..hurts..euphoria..
..Lies..love making..confiding..trust..deceit..
half truths..embellished stories..frustrations..
Anxiety..joys..thrills..adventures..irrit­ations..charm..
Dream making..intense loneliness.
He built walls...constructed of flowers, love notes, thoughtful gifts, candle lit baths with rose petals and love songs...all in hopes to keep me within the realm of his safety lines.
He lied to make me love him..I lied to myself into believing it was all real.
When lies become your reality..nothing stands against it..not even..the Truth.
Now I sit. Alone. In the center of the shambles of what we fabricated, fallen at my feet.
Eyes opened. Accepting the reality. Weaving through the confusion.
Hope in the unknown..the sun still continues to rise..hearts heal and Love still exists.

I've got a mark on my head from resting on the window
So high I can't control my skeleton
What am I good for?
Flies in my pockets and mind whirling through bounds
I believe for all my life, I've never heard the sound
They said,
"But what will you leave behind?" I guess I'm not afraid of death
I said,
"I'll leave behind love to the lives I was graced to touch."
I've got a mark on my skin for each time I find the blade
So lost to love that I migrate to pain
What am I good for?
Knives in my closet with blood let to loneliness
I believe for all my life, I've never heard the sound
They said,
"A permanent solution." But otherwise went their own.
I wrote,
"I'll leave behind the hate so that you may celebrate."

I've got a bag of nails and a mask upon my face
one extra for you and hammers for us two.
If you don't mind us taking turns, I know just the way to hell.
Maybe you don't believe in gods, but I believe they know us well.
Always laughing doubled over, watching from somewhere else.

Bells within
cause clangor,
drown
sounds that
currents make as
they boil past-
we go in
opposite.

White lie servants,
steering the wheel so
far south,
how could we not
go down?

No Captain to
guide.
And though this
vessel's shared,
We've proven only
mock shipmates.

Churning swifts keep all
aboard-
Ship clutch tenants
close.
All at once trapped
and
left behind.

Even my body
holds me
hostage-
Ribcage cell
barring
manic heart...

when walls won't
fall-
stoic fake brick facades
cling to
well-worn dive bar
foundations,

'Tis the bitter
finally cuts through-
slices past the
evergreen potency
of man-made
strength-

bellicose, forcing
its way in;
open up and
swallow-
tonic permeating
soulless through,
anchors to bottom
& crumbles youth.

I will never understand
How rocket science works,
How caterpillars become butterflies,
How languages evolve linguistically,
How genetics determine everything,
How faith is determined,
How hope is enduring,
How love is prevailing,
How any relationship works,
How I fit into my own life...
Stuff like that.

I will never understand
A lot of things,
But I'll be ******
If I don't make you think
I already do
Understand.