An exhale
Followed by the deepest inhale
So deep that i thought
For a second
That this might be the time my ribcage
Finally collapses in on itself

this is what ***** me up,
she smiles. a smile so pure my head and the universe switch turns. my head is spinning and the world stops. the sun blinks a couple of times and the moon comes rushing in. its night time and all of the stars are shining but when compared to that smile of hers, the stars are just dots. i am a dot in this marvelous world. and it ***** me up that i just want to grab her by the hand and pull her so close that my ribs start smashing. but its fine. my ribs are just making her way home. where she always lived. where everything is familiar with her touch. i want to kiss her until her lips is the only taste i know. i want to breath her in until her smell replaces every oxygen molecule in my lungs.
it ***** me up, that for those few seconds im a normal personal. i just want to love. destructive thoughts leave me be. no issues, nothing twisted. just a lover.

I turn to comfort in the smoke I exhale.
Try not to panic when I'm feeling this way.
I see the light but you're well out of reach.
I try to surface but the waters too deep.

inhale

be aware
of what is on your mind
all the worries
all the hate
know them
feel them
steering every movement
spinning your thoughts
into oblivion
so that you can't remember
the you you once were
now stop

exhale

Breathe
Inhale
Exhale

20 years on the god forsaken planet and i forgot how to breathe
Constantly grasping for a life guard,
not because i cant swim
no
more like, well lets put it this way
I'm an Olympic athlete, or at least so i tell myself i should be
I must swim like i've been doing it my whole life
but i just started trying a week ago
so why am i not a pro?

Everyday we put this extreme expectation on ourselves
expecting to climb mountains when we spend the past 3 years smoking a pack a day

Think about that

We would never get mad at someone if they lost a race when they have broken legs

So why get mad at yourself when you just cant today

"why cant you get out of bed"
"Why are you so lazy"
"No one wants to see your ugly face"

Over
and
over
and
over
again

Breathe**

Inhale
Exhale

"it will be okay"
"Practice hard everyday and you can be an Olympic athlete"
"Practice Everyday and you can learn to love yourself"
"Practice everyday and those overbearing thoughts will soon drown themselves in the flow of self love"

Inhale
Exhale