I spend hours trying to understand
why you still care
when I should address why I do, instead
I don't think bout you often anymore
But when I do, I think bout how i hope you can't get my smile out of your head, that you wonder how I am

But most days, I wish that you hit every red light on the way to class
that you forget your phone charger at home and your iphone dies halway through your three hour lecture,
on a Monday,
at 9 am

Some days, I hope that the left bud of your headphones break
that all your lays chips are crushed, even though the bag is all air and no potato

I rarely think of you, but when I do, I hope that you lose your last guitar pick
and your brother leaves your aux cord at home,
again

I hope that all of your mac and cheese is just a little to watery and that you lose all of your left socks

On the days I think of you, I wish you uneven laces
and rain on your birthday

I wish you a hole in the crotch your favorite pants and
the parking spot furthest from the entrance

I hope only radio commercials for tampons
and a brain freeze

I wish you forget the last page of your paper in the printer
I wish you forget me

I wish you lose my number
and hope you lose the desire to text me, again

cause maybe if you forget it will be easier for me too
and I won't have to wish you ****** noses and a really big hang nail anymore

I saw you again last night
I didn't see you for a year
You changed
I thought I'd be a raging mess
But I didn't feel anything
Like you never meant anything
I tried to save you so many times before but
I was never going to be enough
And you looked like you were scared of me suddenly
Like a deer chaught in headlights

I then realized
I was falling in the depths of a pit inside some other dimension
In which we are acting like strangers once again

You left love notes
Written along my ribcage
You said the spaces
Made perfect lines for poetry
My skin still remembers
Even after I washed you off

rite aid was out of maverick red 100s;
they only had shorts.
i had to buy a pack of newports
and the thought of shedding you
made me tremble as i slid my card.
yes, i switched from your menthols
back to my reds and yes, i kept your brand.

the other day i walked into my room
and the scent of cigarettes took me back,
back to the times of us sharing cigarette
after cigarette and i began to cry.
i called my therapist but she didn’t pick up.

the thought of quitting smoking crosses my mind
on at least a weekly basis, but i refuse to let you
ruin an agent of death i held in my hand
even before you came along.
i will not stop and i will continue to shed
the strongest tears for you.

Sometimes I wonder
I wonder if our love
will grow like the flowers growing around the bench

But then I worry that
Our love will be like the weeds
that get pulled out

I sit in class and wonder
I wonder if you are doing to same

I set next to you
My palms are so sweaty
I wonder if your are too

I lay in bed
At 2 am
t
h
   i
    n
      k
        i
         n
           g
             about
                 you
I think about how your eyes glisten in the sun
I think about how smart those glasses make you
look
I think about the way you giggle...

But then I think about how I can't make you as happy as your
EX...

As I drift to sleep.
You finally leave my mind
then I walk up and see your face...
C
r
  y
   i
    n
      g
But then I realize it not you.
Its me crying at a picture of you.
Laughing with you ex.