everyone is saying
I look so sad
these days
but the thing is
I don't know
how to look happy.
my eyes just look
expressionless,
filled to the brim with exhaustion.
so please don't
say
"c'mon, look happier."
because I want to
but I can't.

I used to fear what I could be some day
How I was always locking emotions away
My world view turning darker than gray

Yet, while my heart was encaged
My soul was enraged

Revolted by the world I seen
My spirit raged, fierce and mean
Deserving of judgement, we the unclean

I took everything I had not to Intervene

All this hate, and the regret
Even the anger and torment
All of these feelings I don't get, because I bury them deep inside

All of the times
I should have lashed out
All of the pain and tears have dried out
All of these feelings I don't get, they haunt me

While all of this time-
On the inside
I'm screaming
To be let out

Sticking up for yourself
Does not make you mean or rude

It just shows that you have been through
Pain

Therefore, don’t call me mean or rude
I just decided to stick up for myself
When everyone else wanted to watch me
Drown

You ever just sitting there
Wondering how you are able
to keep it all down

I put it all into a dot
On the wall
I stared and poured it all out

No more emotions
I stare
Thoughts in my head,
but my face blank

And I wonder if I'm the only one
Who has kept so much down
In the face of all whom I love

Who don't love me enough

Emotionless, in pain it's not mundane
It's insane, where is all the shame
I'm not to blame, so where's my fame
I came into this world full of life and wonder
Just to have it all torn asunder
To be dragged under with the roar of thunder
Buried up to my neck, to be kept in check
All but broken, I remained outspoken
Weeks gone by the toll of a token, I remained unbroken
Walked on, spat on, ****** and shat on
Slowly, sanity left as if taken by theft
Dying inside and out looking worse than a trout
Suddenly, a speck of rust, breaks away all of the dust
Surely this must be a chance to get a glance of a new freedom
So I stand without a demand, not giving a ****
Few words go through what remains of my own brain
Emotionless, in pain, not mundane, just insane there is no blame for not having shame in any sort of fame

This pain
In my chest

Aching
Yearning

Just a spark
Of emotion

In a second,
It'll pass

Before it all
Goes black