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Ind Feb 2022
If I were to bottle this it would be

Fleeting moments of such deep joy it’s hard to recollect the moments of utter misery,
Of which there were more.

It would be bitter loneliness without the sweet tang of friends,
The ache of realising alienation isn’t about being alone.

It would be waves
Crashing into rocks after washing over us
Curling our ankles on pebbles
Tripping but running headfirst anyway
Toes in the sea.
It would smell like sun cream  
With the coarseness of sand
Salt and sun and summer.

It would sound like jazz time on a friday afternoon
Blues, show tunes and improv.
Empty balconies,
Wind
Leaves
LMTs
Conversions I listen into but don’t join.
Thunderous silence.

It’s white walls awash with laughter,
Paint fumes and flying
Fresh puddles
Stifled tears
The longing for something more.
23/07/2021
Ahmad Attr Feb 2022
The summer was white hot
The power of the sun peered through the leaves
The roads felt like a desert
The air washed out of its coldness
I was sitting outside the lab waiting for everyone
Everybody was leaving today
But I was leaving for forever
Never coming back to this place ever again

And when everybody came out of the lab
With open arms, engulfing my body
I thought how hard it must be for them
To pretend to care that I’m leaving
One after another, wrapped their arms around my torso
I was waiting for you
I could have hugged you forever,
It was, of course, our final embrace after all
How’d it go? I don’t remember
Funny, I think it didn’t even happen

And through the golden haze, in the barren café
We sat for our final drinks
Stirring the ice in the cold mango milkshakes
Gripping my fingers hard out of contempt
Even in the last day, I can’t talk to you
We sat in silence- no, I sat in silence
While you talked to people who mattered to you
And I listened, like I always did, like I always do
Before I could begin counting seconds
The time was up
You were leaving, so I thought maybe I should too
I watched you walk further and further away
‘’Look back’’, I thought, ‘’just once’’
You didn’t
So I began to tread on the rough path as well
Watching you stride across the road
Through the holes between the leaves
I watched you leave
Like I always did, like I always do
We began to walk in different directions
You, towards the rising moon
And I, towards the setting sun

There are so many things you could’ve said
To make me feel at least something mattered in the end
But now I walked in the blazing heat, towards my home
Looking at my quivering, sweaty hands, thinking
''If this is how it ends
I wish it never began''
Ahmad Attr Feb 2022
The seed of this thought dropped from nowhere
It landed on the fertile soil
Dampened by my tears
It snuck deep inside the rich mud
Nourished by the heat of melancholic summer
The roots and shoot gashed out of it
It’s a seed of thought of leaving
But what about my beloved ones here?
Where will I go from here?
but as the tragedies of life pour the rain on it
It grows and engorges into a tree
Now I’m thinking of only leaving
I can see the green lights

I walk on these sunburnt roads
The blazing star shining in the glass of every shop
The further I step away, the more I can breathe
I will miss feeling empty
I will miss feeling small next to you
I will miss this parasitic city
I will miss not knowing what to do
I will miss being free but unhappy
But, In this town my body casts your shadow
You manifest behind me, and grab me tight
In the path that leads to paradise,
You drag me back to your hell
I can see the red lights

All over again
Whitney Oct 2017
I thought I knew what was best for Me
Everyone always told me I had great potential
Even though I kept messing up
and it wasn't what I wanted to hear

Everyone always told me I had great potential
If I would only work a little harder
That wasn't what I wanted to hear
My motivation only grew weaker

If I could only work harder
I didn't know what direction to go in
My motivation growing weaker
How could I ever make it in this world?

I have no clue what direction to go in
I'm hopeless, everything I planned was wrong
I can't make it here, in this world
Something has to change

I'm hopeless, everything I planned was wrong
I keep messing up
Something has to change
I don't know what's best for me

— The End —