It bursts out of me
from deep in my core.
Tendrils of smoke and life.
They fill the air with the scent of ash and lavender.

Tears of blood drip off of my face, splashing on the ground,
creating a pool in the room I stand in.

I hold out my hand, thin veins are drawn on my skin by
the energy around me.
A deep red.

My hair dances around me in static,
dead roses litter the floor.
I welcome you into my arms, to welcome the disease into your lungs.
But this one isn't like the others.
This one is different.

A sickness that gives you the strength to stand up,
the ability to be yourself.
I've already let it in, I've already opened myself up.

So I'll ask once more:
Are you infected?

My time here is coming to an end.
I see the drop into nothingness.
I'm at the edge looking down.
A noose tied around my neck.
One foot off the ledge.
My final thoughts.
Am I finally going to be free?
Am I going to be happy finally?
As I step off the ledge,
Something stops me before the noose tightens around my neck.
He stands behind me.
Wrapping his arms tightly around me.
I'm here for you.
I say I just want to die.
He says your better than this. Your a fighter.
I'm worthless, a burden, and exhausting person to be with.
He says, I love you and all of your mess.
I simply don't understand.
I push and push for him to leave.
He stays.
I want him to be free from my disease.
My disease has it's grip and won't let go.
He stays and stays.
He fights and fights.
He hugs and hugs.
He loves and loves.
He is the one who saves me over and over.
Yet I stand at the edge always looking over, Waiting to leap.
He won't let me cause I matter to someone.
I matter.

The time has come, for me to fray
the long lost fortune peace and joy
and i peep all around to see a ray
to give me hope and stop to cry
in the face of dispair, i will still try
it feels like hell and i need to fly

am about to burst and am full of thought
then if she left to me its draught
the touch of her hand and a kiss so hot
swimming basking and the fish we caught
fear and doubt with love we fought
she always escaped to what we ought

then came the insighter and he seemed brighter
taking her out and treating her better
Using a phone when i used letters
things were hard especially with a competitor
forgot me complete together with her litter
it seemed to her there was nothing sweeter

after utelizing the better of her best
he disposed her and then left
she had some pain in the chest
when she came in serch for rest
she was mine but we had to test
to avoid being hung like a nest

A drop of blood and a little buffer
recalled how our children would suffer
if through ignorance our life was vapour
my test was a line and my partners twice
why would life be so very  unfair?
her episode was so shortlived

yet she left me huge a burden
to the kids we had i was both parents
just be cause she wouldn't heed
even doctors advice on adherence
all in all i had to say goodbye
coz she was mine for the time we spent

what i am now going through
is a fruit of ignorance and disobedience
my urge my prayer,
that not one falls into the same
it's so easy to say that,
lets avoid the idea of shame
by first escaping the blame
by keeping ourselfs tame.

no one is subscribing
to the universal affection
draining subconscious ailment
that needs no treatment
quaking with fear
shaking with revulsion
looking to prolong
an hour, a minute
stretching one second
into ten seconds
where are we going,
past the streetlights
the crossroads
the commotion
inside the canal boat
that surrounds and accompanies
this road -
will it ends one day,
sometimes, somewhere
and brings an end
to the entire's generation
guilt and disease?

When I’m down
Real low
I start writing
Like a disease
Busting out those poems
Emotions
Like a waterfall
Or like puke
As the words tumble out of me
Till I’m dry
But I never seem to be

Hello Mom
I miss you
you were so young
I was a terrible kid
I am sorry

Hello Dad
I miss you
You were so young
You were a terrible dad
I forgive you

Hello Uncle Jim
I Miss you
You were so young
You taught me honor and respect
Thank you for your service

Hello Cousin Tony
I miss you
You were so young
I can't hold a candle to you
Your funeral was impressive

Hello Nana
I miss you
Your heart was pure gold
You didn't deserve to suffer
You taught me more than I could ever repay

Hello Grandpa Tony
I miss you
You showed me how to fix things
Thank you for your service
Nana is with you now

Hello Grandma Pat
I miss you
You have a loving family
Your spaghetti was legendary!
Your son suffers no more

Hello Grandpa John
I miss you
You taught me how to play poker
Thank you for your service
Your loving wife is with you now

Hello Aunt Kathy
I miss you
You were always kind to me
Your jokes made me laugh
I see your face everywhere

Hello Grandpa Kuntner
I never met you
I heard terrible things
If it weren't for you, i'd never been born
For that, I thank you

Hello Grandpa Leon
I never met you
I heard nice things
I am a proud to be a stubborn ******
For that, I thank you

jealousy really is a disease, isn't it?

a shame it had to infect me