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Isabel Aghahowa Aug 2019
I'm sorry I ran upstairs and left you behind, I was feeling rather overwhelmed and attacked for in my head is a war you are unaware is being waged and barely won. I needed to scream alone and in complete isolation. Scream internally, for screaming out loud is far too piercing, too uncomfortable, intolerable. I am sorry you took offence, maybe it is so I didn't want your company, I am sorry it is this way for us. It’s sad you decide to ultimately dislike, distrust and put no time into understanding the western attitude, an attitude I have come to grow and slowly devour and make my own performance. Take in their love of the bleak, the absurd and the incontrollable. Their wish to understand the mental health of the masses, no they aren't made up and in fact threaten your spawn with vivid flashes at night and in the middle of the day with all the force it has, most obvious in crowds.

How does one go about explaining the looming darkness that hovers above, the dark alleys of depression and anxiety, adhd or aspd, to someone who puts all of their unwavering and immovable faith in God and looks to nothing else to help quench their existential crises or their paranoia surrounding the future. To someone who knows nobody that has gone through the battle, the ongoing battle we fear to speak of too loudly. Someone who has never been educated or confronted by the discussion because the country in which they were born and raised in is stricken with poverty and corruption, leaving no room for emotional or real spiritual journeys. It is exhausting being around such isolated people that stay within their rigid and unhelpful forms, that refuse to change or transform. It is sad to see.

It’s strange, it is rather comforting and pleasant to know that I got out, that I was set free from what could have been a horrible, stifled life. However, it still is my reality that I now flow in-between two opposing worlds with different smells, different voices and widely different places of comfort, as every time I step foot in the country I must still call home, I see a glimpse of who I could have become. It frightens me, makes me feel deeply unsettled. It’s beautiful and tragic. Freedom is in reach, it is there and I can feel it in my toes, holding on in itself is a practice in self growth. Not yielding to the heavy mischief of dry, summer air is in itself already something I hold fondly.
Mike Hentges Feb 2018
Anxiety glows in the dark
The nightlight you can’t turn off
Bioluminescence highlighting the worry lines on your face

I’ve been saying things outloud recently
to try and help me deal with stuff, y'know stuff like
she’ll never love you
stuff like
you have an anxiety disorder you broken *******

i dont know that its helping

she remains the gum stuck to the underside of my tabletop mind
grows stale while I endlessly chew over her memories
my jaw grows sore – tastes bitter and salty, like tears in your morning coffee
and that would be a terrible flavor for gum

its like cry driveways because you told yourself you deserve to be happy and your mind couldn't ******* handle it
couldn't process that
instead the logic leaks out your eyes and disperses in every throaty gag of misplaced regret
my eyes need windshield wipers and my windshield wipers need to be replaced.
the new ones are in the backseat but its been so cold i haven't gotten around to it.

It’s bad form to show emotions at work
Instead you write ****** poetry, one arm covering your paper like a 4th grader who doesn’t want anyone to steal his test answers
where am i going with this? is this just a venting poem?
a poem to feed the seed of depression born out of our sapling romance?
I need a 2 drop spell, tap 1 and a blue
Counter target emotion
That was a magic the gathering reference but I don’t expect you to get it.
im rambling now - scrambling thoughts of her cascading down my interior monologue
blink and her face has been burned into the nightlit darkness that waits behind my eyelids.
she can join the rest of the crew there, like a ****** up breakfast club of regrets that comes to shake hands every morning

i've never seen that movie but hey, at least it’s a reference you'll probably get

ugh. This got sad fast. I’m sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night. i couldn’t turn off my nightlight.
Janica Katricia Nov 2017
daming alam//

habang sinusulat, nakaupo sa sofa sa sala, nag iisip.
bakit ganun?
sya pa rin?
ewan, palitan natin.

bakit nga ako nagsusulat?

san ba to nag simula?

siya kasi //

siya nanaman.

makwento ko lang sa inyo ang pinagdaanan ko noong isang taon at pitong buwang nakalipas.

ayos lang naman sana ako.

masyadong makulit, mapagbiro, maingay.
pero seryoso. //
di man halata pero, oo... kahit papaano.

siya naman,

masyadong madilim, yung tipong pag sa anime,
siya yung si senpai na di ka mapapansin kasi tahimik lang siya at gusto nya palaging mag isa...

pero gusto lang nya sana ng tamang taong makakasama.

doon ako pumasok sa buhay nya, dun ko ginulo ang mundong hindi ko sinasadyang wasakin.

kung dati rati'y screamo at ******* lang na musika ang bumabalot sa kanya,
nadagdagan yun ng matinding impact ng bunganga ko at malakas na halakhak.

kung dati rati'y mas matipid pa sya sa intsik ngumiti,
nakikita mo na syang humahalakhak na parang walang bukas...

****, that smile.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.

di nagtagal, di na pinatagal at nagtagal naging tayo.

Ang saya, ang lungkot, nagagalit ako, ikaw,
naaawa, nasurpresa, nasaktan, bumalik sa dating tayo...

strangers.

na parang di lang nating namalayang naging tayo pala?

//

tama na.

malulungkot nanaman tayo nang wala sa oras.

wala nang oras para malungkot.

dahil kahit anong pilit mo, di na mababalik yung oras.

kung saan, naglalakad lang tayo sa daan, tawa nang tawa,

napapaluha na sa....

*CTRL + A + Delete
this is the second tagalog entry i have. this is for him. please know that i still think about you. </3
Sam Y Starlight Dec 2015
A thin sheet of frost spreads over the earth like a cake dusted with confectioners sugar. Moonlight reflects off the pearlescent ground, emphasising the silhouette of lifeless trees, the branches are frozen solid by whispers of the winter breeze.
The World is engulfed in Silence.
I sink into my bed, hiding under the soft quilt that protects me from the biting cold. My eyes begin to drown themselves into an ocean of sleep;
and then I'm awake in a land of dreams.
Sam Y Starlight Dec 2015
He is her starlight on a dark night...
He's a glimmer of hope in a hopeless world.
Sam Y Starlight Dec 2015
Fragile little butterfly; You broke the golden barrier of delicate crystal which used to inhibit your abilities, and now you're free. The kaleidoscopic wings on your back only show how much more colourful you are on the inside.

*If only everybody could see.

— The End —