In this city where
millions dream
wake up dead,
I've come
with a dream
to see you again.

the town i was born in wasn't big enough
to contain the vastness of my dreams
so i moved out
i spent hours upon hours on the bank of river yamuna
looking for a sign
completely forgetting that a dead river can't speak
i misunderstood its silence for an invitation
so i moved in
i traded my inner peace for smoke filled air
and my innocence for the facade of a happy woman
delhi, i spent years of my life trying to fit in
to make sure that i belong
then why do the stares on the streets
tell me that i don't
delhi why have you been so cruel to me
like a failed mother forcing her expectations on her daughter
no matter what i did
i was never good enough
every time i tried to speak
you just didn't want to hear
you're a city trying to hide its deafness from its people
delhi why are you so unfair?
you throw stones at the workers that build you
and bow down at the feet of your destroyers
maybe you're just as confused and tired as me
people have taken more from you than you could give
so you stand exhausted, defeated and short of breath
and i do the same
for both of us have failed miserably
i could never be your daughter
and you could never be my home

Today I got her response,
It was "12 AM" on the clock.
There was no power in our block,
It was the  STUDY room where I had to skulk;
but the rain was pouring on the rocks.
Oh! I forgot to thank my poetic kludge.

I put my phone on charge and reply her back,
with an appropriate emoji that match,
and now we were exchanging words.
That flirty nature of mine;
Runs through the fingers when I had wine.
many nasty and hasty thoughts were rising;
and I had to made them extemporize,
so that it matches her vibe.

I asked her dose she have a twin?
and send her a picture to help my chances win.
soon she sees the picture she asked her name,
It's "SAZAN"  and welcome to my game.

The conversation with her was amazing and fecund,
and she worth every second.
We both are strangers but for a moment we exist together,
in a digital screen as if it's a white paper.

I look up at the skylight
Rain drops coalescing
The reflection of a few drops
Dancing on the wall
In the breeze
Which is more
A gale
Howling and loud
Outside
Destroying trees
Somewhere

A silvery strand of a cobweb
Dances and shimmers
In the pale sun
Playing hide and seek
The silence in my room
So loud
The thunder outside
So far

The daffodils on my windowsill
Have died and dried
Papery petals, a brilliant amber now
Green stalks greedily still drinking
While the petals thirst
The tops of the trees
Through my window
Freshly showered
Move like a woman
Dancing for her lover
Seducing
Shimmying

And yet
I think of Delhi
Desertlike and brown
Hostile and cruel
The dirt streaked faces
The shining eyes
Of the beggar children
At crossings
The eunuchs who bully
The traffic, the fumes
The noise that deafens
The rich women who flaunt
Diamonds and lovers
The clubs for the haves
The stares from the have-nots
And I come back
To the music of the rain
On the skylight
And the chirp of a bird
Somewhere far away

You are there, everywhere
I smiled, laughed, cried and jumped in glee
You were there, I didn't even grasp the hole.
When the moon hit the stars
I hurdled my balcony and saw the-
Chain of lights, those and movement and I
Sensed you about, I spoke to you,
Your husky voice and hands perfectly mine.
How many times did I pass your thoughts?
Do you know you evoke memories in the-
Strangest junctions of my bursting imaginations?
I know the place, somewhere around the corner
Unoccupied by me, I willfully ignored your future
And now I think I should clasp if forever as mine!
I walked slowly so that I could walk with you
I caught glimpses of you and you smiled.
In those longest nights I thought of salvation
You pierced my eyes and held me with meaning.
I thought I’ll seize you next life in the banks of Sarayu
But dis-remembering you this life is so impossible.
Do you remember the days you made no sense to people-
Around us and then you looked my way and sighed.
There are million little things I want to tell you
You were an illusion that happened to me, a magic!
Today I know this me, consciously and unconsciously
Envisaging you.
There’ll be one day this poem reaches you
And when you read I can see you, beyond the walls you are
I can feel you, the peculiar scent and the breeze you carried
Let us walk together to the world we spoke to paint life
Where we can be happy with each other!

Why is that looking into the-
Wide and open city so upsetting?
I saw the bird,
She was looking amongst the buildings,
A space that was hers
Or maybe the space-
Her ancestors have told her,
The folklores and many songs-
Written on the very space.
She crossed mountains,
Seas and barren lands
To see the city lights and
The many dreams she had.
She is not homesick,
She doesn’t even have a memory
Of her home-land
It is a long lost dream
Which cannot be recollected.
She’s homeless.
Was she looking for a mirage
In between the tall buildings -
‘They’ said where dreams prosper?
It’s a furnace,
The colours of fire she could see,
The shadow painted colours-
Orange, red and grey and
Still it required meaning?

I’m looking for it too!
I am scared of forgetting,
Old age and Alzheimers
I’m a dreamer, a homeless hippie
But there is a root, a deep root
A scent, a strong scent and
A soul that is sometimes homesick.
I’m a coward, a bold faced, masked dancer
But there is no rhythm, no audience
It’s just silence, dull grey stillness!
These buildings scare me, where is it?
Where is my chariot?
I cannot follow the crowd
They have a home, a meaningful home
They like the cement, the black air
And bundles of printed paper.
They stamped me mad. Am i?
Maybe I am.
Hey bird, I’m not responsible-
For your destiny, look, look
Look at my hands, there is no blood
Look, look carefully, there is no stain
But I belong to the race, I belong to
The same age, the same world
That changed your fate!
I've no redemption from my sins!
I've no redemption from my sins!