There wasn't any pivotal moment

No explicit epiphany one morning that changed things for me

It took me years

Years of dark lonely nights,

Saying to myself " I'll wait one more day, maybe tomorrow it will get better."

Just to see if things would change

I did this over and over again

For years

Usually i won the battle against myself

But a few times I failed

And I tried to let go

3 times I survived.

3 times in 3 years

The last time I had those horrific thoughts

I thought to myself

I survived myself 3 times

I shouldn't even be here today

But here I am

Still alive

Still breathing

And instead of convincing myself I wasn't worth it

The way I had so many times before

I screamed to myself

"I HAVE TO BE WORTH IT. I HAVE TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW FOR A REASON!"

I put the bottle down that night

I cried myself to sleep

In the morning I thanked God I was still here

I started focusing on the little moments

Like my best friend telling me how much she loves me

My mom thanking me for listening to her worries.

My brother calling to ask for advice about what to get mom for Christmas.

One of my students asking me if I was going to be around until they graduate

Because they dont want me to leave them.

The conversation I had with the server every morning at the coffee shop.

And it was when I started noticing and appreciating those little, positive moments in my life

That things began to turn around

It was all those little bits of human connection, interaction

That is how I survived.

As humans, we live and breathe for human connection

We need to feel valued and we need to feel understood

To any of you still stuck in that darkness,

Connection is the answer.

And to any of you who may know someone in that place

Send them a message.

Tell them you love them.

Smile at a stranger.

Walk to quiet girl from your drama class to her next class.

Compliment the bully on their new shoes.

Help the old lady across the street carry her groceries inside.

We all have a story.

Throw kindness out there even to the people who don't deserve it.

They need it the most.

We need to connect with each other.

Love is all around us.

Connections are everywhere.

Let's survive this world together.

Let's save some lives.