It feels like I'm screaming into a void Yet I know you all can hear. I can’t figure out why you don’t respond, Is it anger? Maybe fear?
Or is it apathy towards A fellow human soul. Or maybe you just think That my tragedy has gotten old.
Two years on and I still Feel like ****, Still struggling on my own To deal with it.
Two years and I could still Cry at the drop of a hat. But you just don’t seem ready To deal with that.
I could not make it anymore Obvious if I tried; That I've been falling apart Since my brother died.
You told me to stop Hiding how I feel behind a wall. That if I spoke honestly There would be help from you all.
I no longer even try To hide how I feel When you ask, my answer Of pain Is real.
So, I'll keep talking, And you’ll keep ignoring what I say I'll keep talking And I'll never be okay.
This was written during the anniversary of my brother's death. Sometimes it feels like your calls for help aren't being heard but that doesn't mean you should stop calling. There is always someone there to help even if you think there isn't <3
We don’t speak any more. Nails fly out of your mouth to crucify while I oscillate between hanging in pained silence and screaming thoughtlessly back at you. But far worse than your nails drawing blood is the piling of the silent stones, day by day, into a monument I cannot climb, inscripted with the character of your life I can no longer read. Could I ever? You bludgeon me with “you will never understand.” I never believed you until now.
I cannot see your knights and know not what dragons they have slain for you. I was once your champion. Your laughter is shrouded when I am near, although I hear it report from a distance, its absence piercing shooting pain. I cannot know your particular darkness for the shadows are yours and yours alone. But I knew something of your lands once and sacrificed more than a little blood on your soil.
You fence me in lines I never drew. But perhaps if you just start again by telling me a secret, the garden we once planted together will not lie so barren and unkept. I tend it still. Tell me a secret that I might once more whisper to your heart.
Few things are quite so bewildering as feeling far apart from the person you hold closest. It leaves you wandering emotionally, clinging to hope that they will one day, again. let you in.