I hid.
I ran.
I hid.
I ran.
And hid.
And ran
And hid
And ran.

It was a cycle
That doesn't want to be halted
Only courage will stop it
Where could I find one?
I am a coward, I am afraid.
I don't want to be shamed!
I don't want to be embarassed!

But I grew tired of hiding
And running
And hiding
And running

The cycle stopped
I finally found the courage.

Inside the closet where I hid,
I felt fake
I felt suffocated.
I felt alone.
So I mustered my courage, and stepped outside.

Outside the closet is where I belong.
Those people surrounding it became my home.

Her physical body wants to hide
I felt her pain as she cried

Her story will never be revealed
For she has not yet healed

She was a mirror of my subconscious fears
Her heart was full of broken gears

She made me feel weak
Yet she was the geek

For she belittled my attractions towards her
Her parents must have caused her such blur

To remove her freedom to love unconditionally
She was not modern but lived traditionally

So she can only love one man
She had no other plan

Her fears ****** the joy out
For she could not understand how it was all about

I felt her pain as she cried
The only difference is I lived while she had already died

My masque has been on so long
It is starting to fuse to my skin.
Worn, paint fading,
there are cracks in it.

For every ounce of joy
each chip of plaster brings,
with it too a pound of pain
each time it gets replaced.

I found happiness in another,
hopefully forever,
though they've only seen my masque.

I found my ride-or-die-for love,
and they theirs,
though they've only seen my masque.

I would give my soul to break it off.
To take the stitching out,
Yet can not bring myself to,
for fear has chained me
to my tear stained masque.

Darkened days and wet cheeks are all that I can see from rays of sun
upon my shadows
were my masque betrayed.

So on my face it stays, but nothing outside will change, 
they've only ever seen my masque.

Trapped in a body
That isn't mine
I don't recognize
Myself, anymore
Long hair- hate it
Make up- dread it
But still I dress up
Go along with the act
I can't tell anyone
Or my life will go
To shreds

He lives in fear
Some will discover
He lives in disguise
Like a spy undercover.
He lives in suspense,
Did he let something slip.
He lives in madness
Like a bad acid trip.

It’s a topsy-turvy world
Where lying is the stock-in-trade.
False approval from peers
Is the payment for deals he made.
The pats on his back
Are what he does the whole thing for.
The social approval gives
Gifts to him too grand to ignore.

He lives in fear
Some will discover
He lives in disguise
Like a spy undercover.

Pride in who he is
A distant world he cannot see.
An Everest to climb
That threatens his mortality.
He has to lie constantly
Or forget himself accidentally.
Telling the truth will
Remove his sense of morality.

He lives in suspense,
Did he let something slip.
He lives in madness
Like a bad acid trip.

He doesn’t trust feelings
They make of him a criminal.
His relationship with pride
And self-esteem is minimal.
That others can be free
Can never apply to someone like him.
He hears there is liberation
But his own chances are very slim.

He lives in fear
Some will discover
He lives in disguise
Like a spy undercover.
He lives in suspense,
Did he let something slip.
He lives in madness
Like a bad acid trip.

Behind closed doors I see the world
Others look, but cannot see...

To look into the pain of a beating heart
To see the cape of black surrounding love
Why must I hide?
Why must I live in fear?
I want to feel brave,

But it’s not possible.

I’ve been locked away, behind closed doors.
Alone in the dark,
Thoughts rush through my head.

I want to express my feelings,
I want to be myself
But life has cursed me.

Am I a slave of love?
I’m forced to watch its powers
But never feel for myself.

My heart is locked away with the rest of me.
It still has the urges
To reach out...
       to love.

But if I reach out, I will be attacked.
If I reach out, I will be hurt.
If I reach out, the world will see me bare.
If the world sees me, I’m doomed.

I’m forced to watch love, and never experience it.
Is this what the world is supposed to be?
Am I supposed to be locked behind closed doors?
Am I meant to just be a prop in this silly game of God?
Why aren’t there answers?
Why can’t I be cured?
Why can’t the world see ME?

Alas, this is what I wonder
As the darkness draws me back in,
As my heart is draped with a black curtain,
I must stay here.

Locked behind closed doors.
Locked from the world.
Locked from me.

Maybe one day I can eventually leave this darkness...

But sadly once I leave this barren space,
I believe there is only more darkness to come
The darkness to come won’t be caused by me however,
Others will cause it.

So I guess the question to answer is, “which darkness is lighter?”

My darkness?

Or the world’s?