twice now i’ve kissed you
we bout to hit break through
i miss you i need you
please let me come thru

twice now i’ve l lost you
our distance is world view
I promise well make do
and we will get through

twice now ill commit to
our future will construe
our love will shone thru
and i just want to be with you

I’m obsessed with love and it’s habits yet I’m terrified of experiencing it
It feels odd, knowing all you can of a subject but still fearing its hold of you
You become obsessed with its agenda,
learning how it moves and breathes
Yet the idea of confrontation of it fills fear in us of how it will react.

Learning to love
It’s as if we have studied day n night yet the test was everything but
You know all there is to know
How to mend it, raise it, control it, yet we fear it
Love is unlike any being
Love has solidified itself as the most saught after suffering
We lose who we are, who we’ve made ourselves out to be to this point
For a figurative future version of ourselves we want
Love is the most unbiased experience anyone could interact with
It’s versatility has reached to personalities completely opposite of each other and brought them together
The only counter piece to love is failure
What if we fail in love
What if we mess up
The phrase “love is blinding” is beyond surface level
Love changes the most ignorant of men’s perspective
Maybe we fear being changed
Maybe we fear losing who we are once and for all
That’s what it seems to be

I will not love for I will lose myself again and I will not risk who I am
But what if I could become more
What if I’ve maxed out at my potential yet love shone through
The binding of two separate souls in agreement to become one through declaration in the name of love
What if love was named something else
Would all it’s definitions, synonyms, and relations follow or would some be left behind
Have we over evaluated love given it more than it’s deserving
Have we over complicated the act of love and the overwhelming qualities of love hinder us from it
I fear its changing abilities will fail me
I feel as if I could understand  
I pray I can reach that point but I fear more than I know yet I don’t

You see, love is in constant infinity
In the world of emotion; happiness, sadness, fear, and hope are all solidified equations and we are able wrap our minds around the properties of it
Yet love is a simple yet unsolvable equation that exists beyond our capabilities.
That’s why love is feared, we fear what we do not know
And in the nature of love it’s impact upon our lives is beyond any other.
And at its surface it is quite simple to reach yet we dive deeper and it pushes us beyond what we can evaluate
Maybe it’s better to love at a surface level
To love for lovings sake
To love to not be alone
To love to be happy
Love to have children
Love to be connected
Love to be secure
Love to be loved

Love is like pi
Not the food but 3.14159
Except every digit that follows the other is a vital detail in the pursuit of understanding love’s anatomy
We see love as 22/7
And we are happy with this
We love the way it looks and feels
Yet some will divide and settle for each numerical digit and settle as so
Yet some of us are not satisfied with this
We can’t handle with settling
We must find the extent to where it lies
As if it’s end is a revelation
We chase on, marking every detail yet we cannot write enough down to fill every page

Let alone understand
I do not refuse to love because I don’t believe in it
I refuse to love because I’m obsessed with what else it can do and I do not feel ready to love until I know all there is to it

Dont take no advantage
don’t leave, no i planned it
I keep up, im standing
but you can’t just see me girl
and i just might please you girl


so why can’t i be your.. world


its you who i stand with
and me who you stand on
i stay still I’m grounded
but you keep on running off


and i keep my ringtone on
and you never seem to call
but i keep on chasing on
the dreams of us living long


so keep me in mind
cupid be by my side
Arrows fly by at times
yet they miss and i cry
but id rather shoot high
than never take the chance at, you



Its you who i stand with
and me who you stand on
i stay still im grounded
but you keep on running off


and these arrows are all I’ve got


but i keep my ringtone on
but you never seem to call
but i keep chasing on
the dreams of us living long


so please just give me a call
i promise it won’t be long
and maybe we can get along,
I need this its all i want
A chance to fall in love,
so baby give me our all..

so please don’t take no advantage,
don’t leave no i planned it
i keep up im standing
but you can’t just see me girl
and i just might please you girl

so why can’t i be your world?


its you who i stand with
and me who you stand on
i stay still im grounded
but you keep on running off


and i keep my ringtone on
but you never seem to call
i keep chasing on
the dreams of us living on

I seek first love,
Love of me, before substance or being
I love me and my personalities
even the ones hidden from humanity
Its me i must love before anybody

If i try to love anyone before me
or I will be reliant on something unfulfilling
and believing false realities
and expectant of unnatural feelings

If i never learn to love me, i will lose the sense of love
and how to love
I will bury all the happiness I never experienced
and mourn over the smiles i didn’t control
to feel the want to lose
to laugh the way you do
to hide the grave of my love
and live how the lifeless do

I’m surprised we made it this far
You’re the one who’s been there with me all along
You stayed by my side through thick and thin
I can’t believe you’ve stayed this loyal to what we’ve been
I wouldn’t be me without you
Despite you I couldn’t move
Even without the thought of you, you affect me in everything I do
From the way I glance at me to how you prove me differently
The presence of you has changed me, you aged with me and change like me
And like me, you can’t like me
Sometimes it feels you hate me and I guess that’s common to be feeling
The feeling of security in pains I’m believing
At least I’m aware of what’s reality
And not lost in confusing fantasies

Now the fact that I’m trusting these false prophesies
Is what’s making the hurt more promising
And promising I won’t feel another thing is the most alarming
But being in pain aint worse than feeling nothing
And I swear I’d take death before life took love from me
So from me is honesty
I ******* hate being alive when I’m lonely
It shows there’s no one for me
So for me I stand til I can’t feel my legs beneath me
From life beating down who I’ve come to be
Makes me hesitate on living
Especially with the tools to end me
Here lies the freedom of expression Im pertaining
I hope after this letter I won’t have to see who I’m going to,
Let this life be a word to you and my examples make me worthy to a few
That this rope wasn’t an option of violence I have to come to
It’s the effect it will cause on the future of me and you
Strangling the insecurities I have lived through

Broken promises left my focus anonymous til life sent its consequence
pretentious postures kept my thoughts unconscious
a prominence to be full of confidence
and an ominous apparel to your provenance,
your body language was taught differently than what I’ve heard
speaking in foreign words
from the painted nails to the forced curls
killing a canvas created for diamonds and pearls,

It's what the world prefers but love begs to disperse
but whats love to a lustful mind,
like obsessions are where your worth is clearly defined
your lust goes beyond approvals of mine
you need attention of those on the outside
like what I say can’t align with the amount of likes that they provide

I feel like I couldn’t matter less,
I'm a personal therapist who tries their best
who gets blamed for the things that cease to rest
who gets pushed under the bridge when things get stressed
you say you’re depressed but your sympathy for mine has digressed  
your symptoms are contagious when you tell me i'm selfish for wanting better than this
I'll remember to shut up next time I ask for happiness

Who you are to me isn’t the same as who you are to with anybody
you pick moods like they’re choices
like the person you’re around is what affects how your voice is
you never wanted happiness when I was in your presence
pity is what you love more than the betterment of our essence
putting you first is what benefitted

You is all that mattered
my heart was a broken platter
swept away by filters I held over
my mind felt shattered
my hopes and dreams clattered
the foreclosure of who I was for who you wanted me to be

My hearts in a different place now
my mind is full of spirits now
I lost who i was in an act to please you
I regret sacrificing myself for you
I hate the way things turned out but I'm learning who I am now
Im learning what it means to be me again and that’s something ill never give in

I hope no one has to experience the torments of losing self love again

I know you’re up thinking about the past and…
frankly i can’t blame you,
the past is where you run to incase you feel alone in your bedroom
and feeling alone is what you’re into
you’re attracted to the pity people gave you
for feeling differently in pains that harbored you,
it hurts but its true, I see you listen to the things you know hurt you
and you think you’re haunted by the past
you purposely think so your hurt will resume,
you’re drugged by heartbreak because you've been broken into
but no mater the amount of times you **** you,
you will never end your sorrows
because they’ve become one with you.

Star Shooter

Why, of course why baby, I can see it in your eyes you can’t live without the star in your life
but it passes by, I guess the star shooters aren’t aiming for your life at this time
and time is all you have, you gaze amongst the clouds waiting for their time to flow away
I guess the pictures they create aint something you care for today
you prefer the brink of the night where light is preserved by milky ways and Hercules

you haven’t seen one move yet but you know you will and when you do you’ll move with it til its still
but the star shooters don’t aim for the landfill of broken feels
so you watch space hold the light still like a vase with daffodils
its beauty is sacrificial as the night heals
tell me how it feels as you waste the time that kills

its the pain that drills your mind, so close to the bottom line
I see the picture in your mind, you feel he’s one of a kind
like the pain you agonize will disappear like the summer flies
but his anger flies by you, you can’t accept the fact he’s bad for you
his personality was the way he was issued, like you subscribed to a life that was made for you
he gon' break your heart again and tell you what you need too
you fall into his trap of thinking he’s a good man
let him convince you’re broken and he’s got what makes you whole again
let him change your perception on love between friends and let him get to you at 2am
let his hands push past boundaries you said he would never cross again
then let his body meet yours and let him tell you its out of love and this what it means to be fulfilled again
so you break your morals while he breaks the floor boards, you broke your promise, while his love was anonymous
you threw your self respect out the way, so he could change your for a day
now your days are limited from the moment he took and ran away
you couldn’t ever convince him to stay
now you sit and stare out your window waiting for the stargazing to shoot one your way

but you haven’t seen one yet but you know it will and when you do you’ll move with it til its still
but the star shooters don’t aim for landfills of broken feels
now your light that was once held still is casting shadows of an image you want to feel
tell me how it feels, the time that kills, is the love still real, or is everything you felt like a shattered vase filled with crushed daffodils

If I could buy time, how would you waste mine?
and if my emotions were still alive, would you apologize?
if my trust was never-ending would you push it to the end of the line?
but if white lies were protecting me, why did you use them to hide?
when you broke my heart to heal yours did the satisfaction suffice?
and when you said friends, you meant guys, and by slumperparties you meant one nights?
and one nights all it would take but if I questioned where you were a defense was set in place
speaking as if I wasn’t trusting you enough, like you were behind me every step of the way
and if my love would never die, how long until you appreciate mine?

We fight often but no fight could ever make me speak on you often
but tell me how often I’m wrong because of the way you speak on
I'll never be right in your eyes, you’ve never been wrong after all
even after all the drinks and drugs you inhale
can’t you tell the tale the holds you stale  
you fall and fail and I would never tell
but you lack compassion, and you find ways to make you matter again
so you blame me for the things you did, and claim you never did it
like our secrets fell out of your pocket and dropped into someones hands
I guess my image never mattered let alone who we were.
I tried to keep that safe but your emotions were what mattered
I tried to run free but I believed the lies you told me
letting go should be so simple but we made it complex
because if the pain is real why should we be forced to come back again
so why is broken love, considered real love to the those who aren't in it?

They say time heals so if I could I'd buy all the time there was
not to extend what we had but to separate what we were
I used to be who you wanted me to be
I'm happy now I can be who I deserve to be.
me
Questions to you, for me