Need I, to change myself?
Well, the question is easy not
Because what doth change exactly mean?
Need I, to change my behaviour?
Depends does it, on the situation
However, were you to ask me to change
Something that hath been a part of me
For years and years
The answer shall a resounding no be
Because, were I to change my nature
Then Ashwin I shall be no longer!!

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to anger management
Change I can, certainly
Of course, it is but something
Already am I working on
And I boast not
But strides, have I already made
Thus, am I on the right track

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to self-belief
Agree we all should
That this is but something
Which I need to work on
Because, currently drowning am I
In a pool of insecurities
Some of them being self-created
But yes, working on it am I
Through therapy and reading the gospel everyday
And of course, penning poems like this!!

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to certain painful incidents in the past
Do well I certainly could
To make an earnest effort
Towards forgiving and forgetting
Not because those people deserve it
But for my own inner peace
As have said repeatedly
All those dear to me

Need I, to change myself?
Well, were there something
Which I am happy with not
Then yes, may some tweak be needed
Because, as said a very dear cousin sister of mine
Change is but something
Which would keep me happy and protected

Need I, to change myself?
Well, when it comest to my character
Once again, the answer shall a resounding no be
Of course, a few behaviours here and there
Can altered be, if required
But then, doth it apply to everyone
And most importantly
Believe in myself, I must
No matter what
Again the words of my dear cousin
Amen!

Why is it,
That something so necessary,
Seems so dreadful and bittersweet?

Why am I so sad,
Over moving on from,
Something that made me so sad?

Why do leaves fall of the trees?
Why do hairs fade to grey?
Why do things fail to remain consistent?

Why can’t I live forever?
Why can’t I seem to want to?
Why can’t this fear of change make sense?

Change,
A dwarf sucker of emotional algae,
These bits of change that we face,
In life,
Are merely a placeholder for temporary discomfort.

The many that I had accepted
Beyond my control, far from being able to affect any change
Are not nearly as important
As those I forgot, or chose to let linger and fade.
And new ones come up to chase everyday,
It's true what they say;
The more things change, the more
They remain the same.
Alternate the moves, change the pace-
Still the same tango:
Dancing in place

I am not some peaceable ***-smoking hippy,
Or a hard-core punk inclined to rage away.
Similarly not a broker, with no share of a real trade
Or a developer of putrid estates
Different from some disaffected political nutcase
Radical revolutionary, only in the way
That I still have hopes for change

First I was disgusted:
It was you that I despised,

And now my edge is blunted:
I am terrible in kind.

I am your reflection

There stood a stranger in my mirror,
who did everything I did  like a game of simon says,
I've never seen this stranger before,
But he was always there when I was,
his presences had a heavy feeling like there were
weights in my stomach,

“I am your reflection”

That's all the stranger would say to me,
I must be day dreaming,
Cause how can my reflection be a stranger.
That's what i had thought,
I had thought you were merely nothing but a man who stood in front of me.
Yet I came to learn that you were anything but a man,
You were the monster under my mothers bed.

“I am your reflection”

See I grew up thinking that you left me,
Like an unwanted toy at a park
And all I thought of was why I wasn’t good enough.
I pointed the finger at me,
And  ignored the idea that you weren’t there
Because you were venom to my mothers life.
That fake smile she gave me
That laugh she fakes to sound happy
It's all because of you.
She left you,
Hoping that you would no longer be thorns to the roses of her life,
But she couldn’t run away from those times with you
Because she was reminded of them whenever she looked at me.

“I am your reflection”

Not once did she mentioned to you that she wanted to
But you didn’t care
So you took a piece of her
Leaving her with an image of you,
Her being reminded of you was her personal hell,
And for most of my life knowing about you
was mine.
When birthdays came  
i feared that someday
I wouldn’t distinguish you from me
I’d break this mirror if it let me stop seeing you
But I knew it would only prevent me from seeing you,
And not from looking like you

I am your reflection

You standing in the mirror seemed like my destiny was inevitable,
That soon I would become the reflection in the mirror,
Doing everything you do,
And doing everything you did
Because I am your son.

I am your reflection

Though our blood runs the same,
I made it my life goal to be everything you weren't,
Cause I am more than just a reflection of you,
While i live my life i know one day I may meet you again
No longer behind the mirror,
But as a ghost from a distant past
Forgotten and irrelevant

I am my reflection.

Another month has gone
And my cards have been drawn,
I look them over and wait
until I can feel what they say.

I've felt so overwhelmed lately,
Life can be so challenging.
It makes sense when I see
The nine of swords in front of me

I'm surrounded by triggers of anxiety,
People I want to please,
A job I intend to keep,
Time continuing on, forgetting about me.

It's stressful.
But I know things will change,
Eventually I'll flow like a jellyfish
Because the empress appeared today.

I don’t do sides
–--- I’ve chosen my side
at least not yours
–--- and it’s not yours
They’re too far apart
–--- I choose peace
and no thread will mend
---- it’s not yours to decide
the chasm you defend
---- this choice is mine