mittened hands wrapped
around hot choc mugs
light-hearted bickering
over the tones and shades
of leaves yet to fall
chilly sun-streaked mornings
of fresh earthy air
and early hibernation nights
of gathered quietude
that indulgent autumn
for which she longed
seemed not to arrive
at least not as expected
set to follow the bright
bustling summer excitement
always written to precede
the forward-looking days
of winter's introspection
ordained as it was
by the dictums of old
those of time and tide
instead her blooming
has been a wearisome
back-and-forth between
the extremes of each
untimely and unexpected
yet unfortunately necessary
before she might witness
those flowers of hers
blossoming under
the warmth and light
of that newly shining Sun

The forecast on the radio
I didn't need.
I felt it coming
In and through the threads of my light sweater
Tickling my skin so my arms embraced
One another.

The barometer falling
As are the remaining Ash leaves
Of yellow, like canaries rushing about
Certainly saying goodbye
To the past
As they must
When the wind picks up.

Hurling chilly
whips of wind
down
The East canyon
Announcing its arrival
I think of my warmest coat
And how long I'll have to wear it
As I sit on the porch in my shivering
Bare feet listening for what is to come
The seasons change
How will I?

My epiphanies never last
Rising and popping like bubbles in a glass
Frequently falling flat
No real form for all their fizz.

My youth has passed me in a hurry.

It feels like yesterday I was 20 and still living with my best friends hanging pop punk flags on the walls of our first apartment together.

It feels like I was just 21 and my friends surprised me with a party and we drank until we passed out and sang karaoke like never before.

I’m sure I was just 22 or 23 and I was dating someone I hated with a passion while still crying over you.

But wait I know 24 and 25 are around the corner and it’s my first time moving out of my hometown and I want so badly to love you again but I’m ready to find myself first.

Ans 26 and 27 came in a flash- I’m living with my friends again, I’m traveling and I’m moving back home to find a different version of me again.

28 I was starting to be ready to settle down and you weren’t around anymore but I was getting used to that for once. I was living alone again and loving every moment of it. I was hiking every weekend, day drinking and starting my photography business.

And then 29 came and he came into my life without me even knowing and showed me a love I didn’t know I could have. We travelled and loved and dreamed.

And my youth passed me by, 30 and 31 have already gone with a flash. I’m getting a little more scared of the future. I’m seeing the fragile way of  life with my family and my friends.
People get older, loved ones pass on and memories fade softly.

In my 32nd year and I wonder what’s next for my grown up years ?

One step in the soft concrete
and the direction you turn from there
will shape decades.
You may find the very place,
step there again, walk over it;
turn again.
It is the same pavement noticeably
worn by micro erosion, cracked
by the hard ice of twenty winters.
The place is the same,
the space is changed—
shaped as it is now
by twenty years of urban development.
Some buildings provide
familiar shelter,
others drip stormwater on your head
from strange appendages.
Stand there
if you can spare a moment.
Turn again.
No pavement lasts forever;
concrete is liquid
and can take decades to dry.

When I see a bug crawl across
my peripheral, I take a small piece of
paper, and I softly push its legs under.
What feels like miles to the
bug, I soar paper toward an exit, the nearest
window or door, and
I put the bug down and
watch it crawl.
I imagine the 70s, when road trips' tallied by dots of
dead bugs on the windshield was as common as
Amazon packages on front porches. Now, dead bugs
are a rarity as cross-country pelts are made of dirt and
Guns, the true Americana experience of the 21st century.
Before I let the bug go, I take a digital photo on
my cell phone, a document of the species,
my tourist attraction.

deliberation deliberate
how different to consider;
and to do.
tell and wait
show and stall.
keep time in back pockets.
fish for change
and make a
pittance.
surely after words,
came reactions,
and after broken promises
came sanctions.

surely after it stopped burning
things began to grow.
stories of salt,
of salting.
an act to crystallise
and make barren,
make bare.

starting
ceasing.
how similar to filling up,
and filing down,
a feeling.

What happened to the happy times?
Why did they suddenly stop?
I wish that I still felt your love,
I wish you hadent forgot.
The way that you had felt for me,
Before things got this hard,
The days when we were both in love,
Before my heart was scarred.
I used to make you happy,
And you made me happy too.
I once could not see my future,
If it did not include you.
Faced now though with no other choice,
I dread moving on alone.
I wish that we still could have had,
Our family and our home.