traffic smoke
piercing the haze
a butterfly

Today I followed a butterfly,
It led me to a wasp's nest*

-Kaya

Adieu


Every time I'm alone I find my self being alone with you
Wandering what you are doing or speaking to someone new
You let me fall in love with you and that's gone it's true
But when I'm all alone with my self all I can think of is you

I'm not the same young man you adored and loved after all that I've been through
I am just a shadow of the man that even I dreamed and wanted too
I live each day with a wish and a hope that the stars above will lighten my feelings and you might be looking as a single bird comes to you
In my mind I'm that bird in your hands cooing with the warmth I once knew
Then when you wake up in the morning a single feather of a wing sat on your pillow that will always remind you that I am the bird that was warmed by your hand holding mine through the looking glass adieu adieu.

we laid in bed and i had scars on my wrist
you looked at them with such disdain, rubbing your fingers over this exhausted skin
i told you then why i got this tattoo
because i told myself that i was done with doing this
you didn't say anything
i didn't say anything
because both of us knew, that commitment was never true

Of all the voices in my head,
yours is the only one
I keep hidden
under my bed...
and if you're wondering why
listen sometime to how you sound--
it's as if butterflies are speaking
as they fly
your voice soft as the flutter of their wings
as they go peacefully by
and whenever I get scared at night
I just think of you
and imagine that your voice
will surely get me through
til morning brings me back the light...

Walking side by side
You've been my all
In our wonderful journey
With heartbreaks and love
overcoming struggles
Laughter and flooded tears

I am no longer a caterpillar
But a butterfly
An empty void
Searching for the acceptance
Of my broken
To love and appreciate
It's dark beauty
That lies hidden from the world

I can't keep walking with you
In this mundane path of solidarity
The loneliness numbs my wings
I need to taste the air above us
I need to soar to the sun
Find a soul
Who will love my broken

I have evolved
While you remained the same
You will forever live in my heart
Hoping you find a caterpillar  
Who can walk by your side
While I find a butterfly
To explore my shadows

Jl 2017