I asked you to come over last night.
I felt like I was laying on rock bottom
With no way to get up
As more rocks were gradually being stacked on top of me.
The weight became too much to bear
My body started shaking uncontrollably
I did not want to be alone.
“Just take deep breaths, I’ll hurry.”
You came over and you climbed into my bed
You held me until my racing heart had calmed
And I finally felt like I could breathe again.
Then something in you switched-
You started gripping me tighter
Moving your hands to lower places
“Please babe, I really don’t want that tonight.
 I don’t feel like myself. I just want you to hold me.”
You were persistent, whispering
“Your body tells me otherwise.”
My heart began to speed up again
As I tried one more time to say,
“Please I can’t handle that tonight.
I thought it was clear, I just wanted you to hold me,
And make me feel okay again.”
This time you tried to take my pants off.
“Do you want this-
Or do you want me to go home?”
Giving me an ultimatum.
“I just want to feel okay.
I don’t want that tonight.”
And with that you got out of bed and
Grabbed your keys and belongings as you headed for the door.

I made sure you were watching-
As I undressed myself
Throwing my clothes into a neat pile on the ground
Before wrapping myself up in my fuzzy blanket
To comfort and calm myself.
I saw your true character last night.
And I learned
That you cannot find serenity
In the same place you found discomfort.

Who was I to think we had something worth keeping?
Certainly not you.

But why.
We played the game.
I thought I understood the rules.
I thought you were trying to break through.

My walls oh so high
They hid the sun from you
And you saw my darkness.

In the dark you found truth.
Unable to understand it, you ran from it's grip.
Too tight around you,
the darkness is unwelcoming.

If only you knew that if you held on a little longer,
the sun was to rise and from truth love were to arise.

But you disengaged.
Saw the truth and convoluted them into lies.

Now nothing.
But a heartbroken metaphor
for I think I miss you more.

You've moved on,
naturally and genuinely.

I sat here,
stupidly.

you came by last night.
you came to get your things.
to tell me it was over.
I haven't eaten in two days.
I cant stop shaking, crying.
this mental deterioration,
is just too much to handle.
I sat with you for two hours.
trying, begging, pleading
for you to stay with me.
but things aren't that simple,
are they?
I can't sleep. I cant function.
my first love, the one that promised forever.
has left me for a *****, a ****.
she would never do the things,
that I did, she would never endure
the pain that I did. all for you.
you caused me depression,
you say you still care,
but why aren't you acting like it?
everything could be better,
if you just wanted to talk to me.