Mixed personalities stuck within one
You are only scared of yourself, the faithful in none
Vision getting blurred with your mind turning always
She never gets better, no thrill with her days
She craves the sight of blood, it meant control
Begging if one day she will become whole,
Cleaning and scraping the darkness gone from your sight
She could look up and see the hazzy psychedelic light
Getting out of bed is a chore of its own, like breathing
But not even herself can give her any meaning
No one can handle the weight the soul brings her
Licking her lips tasting nicotine and liquor
Her identity is faded, and she wants to lose control
Courage was foreign, and her happiness she stole
There is something that will always not be okay
And the notion of her whole body being wrong, she cannot stay
Caged but her second soul, she never had a good life
People say it is easy to turn off, but the toxicity will strife
Forever will she be confused,
Forever she will be used.

Its like somebody has stripped away the barrier that protects us from the outside world

I feel everything

and the slightest touch burns like a thousand forest fires
smoke so thick it starves the surroundings of oxygen and there is no way out

And then I feel nothing

The trees are gone
The ground tainted only with embers dancing without rhythm
Like the rotting bole at the edge of the woodland that failed to perish,
I am hollow

And yet, it was me who set this forest alight

unwavering love;
your wavering voice
c a u g h t
in the eye of my storm

                                 (oh how I hope my torrents don't sweep you away)

Do you see these nails that are bitten and torn to shreds.
Do you see my hair that is mangled and tangled, it hasn't been washed in days.
Do you see this acne on my face, I pick at it till it leaves scars.
Do you see the clothes I'm wearing, I bet I haven't changed them in weeks.
Do you see this room, I haven't cleaned it in months
Do you see my teeth, they bleed because I haven't brushed them in awhile.
Do you see I go on binges of eating or not eating, cause I feel guilty.
Do you see I go on benders if drinking or smoking.
Do you see my eyes and face are red from crying recently.
Do you see my texts I never send cause you wouldn't care.
Do you see when I say "I'm ok", "I'm fine" that those are just lies.
Do you see my smile and laugh, it's mostly fake.  
Do you see how I sleep all day and wake up and go right back to bed.
You don't see but you should.

This list could go on for infinitely.
It's signs like this that should be noticed.
Depression, anxiety or any mental illness is important for learning the signs.
Your story matters just as well as your voice.

I am
Somewhere
In between
Sitting on
Top of the world
And
Floating
Helplessly
Into the abyss.

I have borderline personality,
I can be sad and happy,
I can feel the sad and happy of the days,
I'm always mad
I'm always bored
I'm just so empty
All the time

I have anxiety
I feel like dying every day
I wish everything could just disappear

I'm just illness and pain
I'm just sickness and destruction

I have borderline personality
I have anxiety
I have pain
I no longer have a life to live

to be honest with you,
i didn't plan on making it this far.

i didn't plan anything at all.

and i'm always baffled by my lack of motivation,
but i forget i've already made my biggest accomplishment by

being here today.