In the silence, I sit and ponder,
It fills up most of the day,
It does me no good to wonder,
Why my mind leads me astray.

The tablets in the morning,
Are doing me no good,
These feelings strike without warning,
And stay longer than they should.

Harsh words echo inside my brain,
From a conscience full of hate,
Regret flows through my veins,
I lay awake at night and shake.

My life plays out before my eyes,
Every moment drenched with shame,
I cry and cry and try to dry,
Theses tears packed full of pain.

I think of the people who I’ve let down,
The times I chose myself instead,
Why do they still keep me around?
I wish that I was dead.

I beat myself up daily,
I never suffer enough,
How long can you hide? I pray thee,
Behind a masquerade of trust.

My knife starts to vocalize,
It’s stunning sirens song,
It wants to sink so deep inside,
I know it won't be long.

My emotions switch from bad to worse,
I can’t control the way they play,
They pull no punches and aim to hurt,
Soon I can’t see through the rage.


My blood, it boils at the sight,
It hurts my eyes to see,
My imagined, alternate perfect life,
Could it have been this way for me?

No matter what I do or say,
Nothing ever seems to change,
The emotions will eventually fade,
Will I still be the same?

Will I fail, will I fall?
Can I deal with it if I do?
What’s the point of it all?
These questions help to tie the noose.

There’s nothing left to do for me,
So here I sit and here I stay,
I’m too scared to take the knife and see,
What lies beyond the grave.

I guess I’ll wait and carry on,
Waiting for the sacred day,
I’ll keep singing this pathetic song,
Until the time life takes me away.

please don't ever fall in love.

yes, at first, it's going to be the most beautiful thing in the world.
at first you're going to forget why you built the walls around your heart.
after all, how can something so beautiful break your heart?
how can someone so beautiful break your heart?
someone with a voice as sweet as his, eyes as deep as his,
hugs as warm as his…
how can you ever be so afraid of someone like him?

but it's only a matter of time before you remember:
love isn't the beautiful thing he makes you think it is.
love is the rollercoaster that traumatized you as a kid,
and one drop is enough to remind you why you were so afraid of it.

maybe he hasn't done anything wrong.
but maybe he said something that rubbed you off the wrong way.
maybe there was something about the look in his eyes
or maybe there was something about,
well, i don't know,
but there must be something.
and it may be nothing, but it's still something.
maybe the butterflies were dying,
maybe the ballads were warnings,
maybe the sweet nothings were nothing.

maybe he's just like everybody else.

and so, brick by brick, you put up the walls again,
but then he breaks them down again with something as insignificant as a smile or a simple question
but it's him and there's nothing about him that doesn't matter to you.

maybe he's not like everybody else.

everybody else doesn’t have eyes that shine like his does.
everybody else doesn’t shine like he does.
he’s that star in the sky that you point at and say,
“that’s my star.”

but even if it’s your star,
it doesn’t shine just for you -
it shines for everybody.
what if somebody else also looks at your star every night?
what if somebody else also points at your star and says, “that’s my star”?
what if?
you fill your head with “what if’s” instead of what is,
and that’s what kills you.
but you can't tell anyone because you know you're different.
you know they won’t understand;
they don't feel everything quite like you do.
your forest fires are candlelight to them,
your hurricanes mere drizzles,
your burns just paper cuts.
you take xanax? they drink water.
you cut yourself? they exercise.

everything to you is nothing to them.
so if you tell them, they’re just going to judge you.
if you tell him, he’s just going to judge you.
after all, he’s just like everybody else.
and everybody else will hurt you.
heck, even you will hurt you.

so, i’m begging you,
please don’t ever fall in love -
not even with yourself.